Enter the Entertain(ubi)ment

Nubi is a fuss pot. Ever since we weaned him off his pebbly puppy kibble and onto the Science Diet's unfabulously cryptic "Adult" dog food. He's become a shadowy wisp of his former self (when he's not lurking in shadows, that is) and plays an intricate game dalliance when it comes to mealtimes.

The typical scenario begins like this:

1. Maid cradles Nubi's chrome food bowl
2. Nubi is in hyperventilatingly excited.
3. Maid begins her leisurely saunter to the storeroom
4. Nubi is in hyperventilatingly excited.
5. Maid scoops up a cupfull of his spherical 20-cent sized chow
6. Nubi is in hyperventilatingly excited.
7. Maid lays down food in front of a wide-eyed Nubi fraught with anticipation.
8. Nubi examines it quizzically, then saunters away looking for excrement to sniff.

Wak. The only solution? Invite PROFESSIONAL COPPER CHEF Dwayne Wang. Never heard of him? He's of Copper Chef fame. Still no inclination? Hmm may be because copper (and his cooking) is somewhat poisonous...

Anyway, i spice up Nubi's food with random leftovers and miscellaneous sauces. These include hand-crushed grapes, floored black-sauce beef, jinchalok (gross prawn paste, don't ask), soya bean milk and RAW EGG!

I DO realise that those ingredients spell for a puke-worthy recipe, especially mixed with its base of pungent dog chow. But hey hey, Nubi SLUUUPS it up! Woot, this is going to be a good way to fatten him up and finish up the canine commestibles before it decays into a toxic miasma of fumes.

Mek. I see you all scoffing at my life (or lack thereof). GO AND EAT DOGFOOD YOURSELF lah, hell knows i've tried it already... Not the most tasty thing in the world.

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Immediately after yesterday's biology paper (lost an unwarranted 4 marks. Crap), i bought an offering of Bubble Tea and crashed Nick's house for yet another 6 hours of DOTA. I even bamboozled persuaded my father into staying an extra hour for my last game when he dropped by to fetch me home. Of course, this is only in the middle of my common tests, with only the practice-intensive subjects of Maths and Chemistry the next two days...

There was this particular moment of pwnage: I was the Goblin Techies, obviously, and i had been singled out by a lvl 21 Nerubian Weaver with yellow health. In my last act of desperation, i planted a land mine and detonated myself on the spot to avoid giving him the frag. He then went into windwalk (invisibility) with a measly 200 health and faded into the background. I assumed he would be heading back to base, and i DETONATED a remote mine by PURE ESTIMATION when i figured he would be near.

This. Killed. Him.

OMG so sexy. *cue music* I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my...

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Anyway, i'll be kept rather richly entertained after the CTs due to the arrival of Lil Jon's Crunk Juice, MIA's Arular and the Invader Zim DVD series. Woowoo. Also, with double subscriptions to Time and Newsweek, i've been spending unnecessarily extended amounts of time on the toilet bowl immersing myself in the extremely interesting state of current affairs (no, not the toilet water currents). Really Reader's Egest siah.

Be prepared for PIERCING SOCIAL COMMENTARIES, CLAIRVOYANT ECONOMIC REVIEWS and CONTROVERSIAL POLITICAL CRITICISMS!

Hmm, looks like that didn't fool you either.



Oozing Crunk Juice to... In Da Club - Lil Jon ft Ludacris & R Kelly

e-Common Tests

Just about hacking into your computer... NOW.

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Ok, i'll admit that i was initially Norman Bates. Yes, that mother-f***ing (literally) psycho from the movie of the same name. It had to be some calculation error... Right???

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OOOOOW! How ironic that I can sing this song in falsetto...

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I'm Rick James, BITCH!

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Unnecessarily testing myself to... Big Pimpin' - Jay-Z

Aftermath Before Math

Ok. Chinese was fantasically, superbly, dextrously and amazingly BAD.

Chance of failure: 50%.
Percentage for failure: 50%

That roughly translates to me not knowing half of the stuff tested, or me being a starving African-American child without money for food, let alone Chinese textbooks, and still taking the test. I guess it WAS fated that i wasted chinese-studying time yesterday blogging on failing chinese. Its a self-fulfilling paradox, i say!

Other than this minor case of armageddonism, i am perfectly healthy. I'm going to get my physical tomorrow, with a complete biopsy and my statistics calculated on wednesday and thursday respectively. The best, however, is saved for last, where my chemical composition will be determined!

Ok, lame analogies.

---

The Exam Song (Bo?)
Chinese, i live to die.
Physics, i live to defy.
Biology, i live for living.
Maths, i live to divide.
Chem, i live for... CHEMming (what else?)
Exams in my life have unfurled!
Hell, i even have to take one for my cholesterol!

---

Not studying physics to... Get It Poppin' - Fat Joe ft Nelly

Anti-Chinese (Language) Epiphany

Its influence stretches beyond borders. It has the power to link hostile governments and the gentleness to connect two individuals. It is the key to a host of opportunities while at the same time being the doorway to new dimensions. It is the ancestral roots of many Singaporeans while at the same time being the weed that hinders our growth and blossoming.

It is the Chinese language. A mortal enemy of many westernised Singaporeans for generation after generation.

Yet again, this boundlessly boring bane is back in my diminutive existence. This time, it's personified in the form of the unavoidable JC common tests (the equivalent of Mid-Years). Normally, chinese in classes can be brushed aside or its essays sloppily assayed. This time, however, there is integrity and the school records at stake. There is integrity. Oh and did i mention that there is integrity?

I, like many others i'm sure, am completely unprepared to face the daunting task tomorrow. Besides having no tuition teacher to at least force some work in, I belong to that earlier class of westernised Singaporean that wants nothing to do with the language. I see myself as Singaporean, not as Chinese. There's also the small factor of laziness during the holidays...

The JC chinese syllabus is purely abysmal. There is no fixed shou ce (handbook) to study from and the only material provided is that of the Chinese newspaper rotting in the dank recesses of the trash can. I DO applaud RJC's attempt to coalesce the entire 10000-individual-word language into a mere 90 pages.

There is some fallacy in the previous arguments, for a language is never restricted to a study guide. Here, i'll just have to place some blame on the Ministry of Education for such warped chinese language syllabi. What other country would involve a rate of 70% of tuition given being Chinese? What other country would have students wasting copious amounts of energy to mentally commit redundant words to (short-term) memory?

The fearsome beast dubbed Chinese has it's ugly head reared. Its gleaming fangs coruscate in the dim light of the examination hall. I don not kevlar against the piercing anxiety attacks it induces. I am not equipped with a pacemaker to ensure my (blood's) safe passage in these times of trouble. Instead, i am armed only with a mind that's so accustomed to the ebb and flow of the English tide. I WILL immediately drown and suffocate under the crushing tides of the Chinese undercurrent. I WILL fail the impending Chinese common test.

How does one expect to go up against a mental template for billions worldwide? How would insignificant ol' me vanquish the ethereal demon already living eternally in our texts, our histories and our technologies? When will this plague abate?

All geniuses have their handicaps. It seems mine is chinese (as well as humility, but that's a small and irrelevant matter).

Here, late at night before the actual paper, I sit and formulate an English article complaining about Chinese. All you cynics out there must be thinking that this article is simply for me to assuage whatever guilt i get when i eventually fail it, but I TELL YOU, its NOT really true...



If you can't beat it, mug it to... Dance - Jamiroquai

Drinking to Our Health

Nick and i are on to our 6th cup of water. This in lieu of my fabulous policy "who says we can't detoxify our bodies while we toxify our minds" with regards to mass DOTAing over my stayover weekend.

We formed a blood water pact: For every hero frag either of us achieved, we both had half a cup of water to down. With concrete-laden weights strapped to our ankles, we took on the challenge an hour ago with a combined frag count of 19 the last game.

This was not a disincentive to stop pwning the enemy heroes, but rather to w(h)et our appetites and flush our systems clean (any reference to toilet bowls is purely uncoincidental).

Water has various functions in the body. The only one i can think of now is the purging of it out through my every orifice... But that's just me. I was also bullshitting that we should go and light aromatherapy candles in the computer room, although that idea won't float so well on Nick's parents.


Not your run-of-the-mill Water Retention
At the rate we're drinking (7), this doesn't seem very healthy anymore... Hell, we've had bigger cups than Pamela Anderson. Now, our sorrows REALLY need to be drowned. Just not by any more water.

EELLU-EYARGH. BLEARGHH. *vomits* OMG i didn't remember eating that...

Edit: Nick just brought in 2 jugs full of the lovely fluid. Still have 3 to go, wish us luck



Undergoing our baptism prelude to... Various Gurglings - Dw and Nick

They'll Have My Head(line) For This

Name of a person: Steven Seagal, the Pope
Object: Asshole, Krill Softtoy
Action: Cartwheeling, Frolicking
Description: Fugly Bugly, Insomniac
Place: The Istana, Neopets' Jelly World

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The Headlines for the Day:

Fundamentalist's Cartwheeling signals end to Fugly Bugly Steven Seagal

The Pope could suffer if Krill Softtoy Asshole blocked

Fugly Bugly Insomniac Boys Found Frolicking in Trunk of Car in the Istana

Teen Steven Seagal Cartwheeling early on the Pope

Neopets' Jelly World marijuana activists nervous after Frolicking

Grilled Asshole Anyone?

The Pope Approves Asshole Drug for Cartwheeling Blacks

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Beheading headlines to... Moodring - Mya

Chompions!

I shall let pictures do the talking (for once):


i pWnz0rz3D u, so stfu noobins



Yes, i WOULD like to be removed from my conjoined twin. He just keeps whining and whining



Siberians: Still Sexy in the Sand



Robo-Dog, Activational.

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Since a picture speaks a thousand words, i've already written a veritable tome with those 5 piccys. However, with this prolix blog belonging to a long-winded and verbose author (ME lah, not Mr Brown), i shall inappropriately follow up with my experiences walking Nubi (the last pic) around my sleepy estate.

I was rather frustrated after dragging my biology mugging for what, 3 days? It was supposed to be done in 2, so that i could scoot over to Nick's house for a deliriously... delirious time Black Stratting with DotA.

These frustrations arose over the fact that everytime i got down to studying on my bed, i fell asleep! I'm sure this has no reason to do with my silk quilt, my sub-zero air-con temperatures on a blisteringly hot day out and my irregular sleeping schedules. Hell, i'm sure my abundance (read: 12) of sleeping accessories* isn't the faulting reason as well.

I was checking my e-mail whilst taking yet another (6th for the day) short break, if 'short break' means murdering Time in its sleep with an extremely fast-acting neurotoxin. My father had nosily sent me pictures of Huskies to put on my blog because he decided that the lacking x-factor was that of random pictorial excitement and variation. Well, that and a very gross, self-deprecating writing style.

The immense cuteness led me to assay the daunting task of walking Nubi. Armed only with "Genetic Control and Inheritance" and a leash, i stepped bravely into the sunlight.

Nubi briskly made his mark in the outside world, or should i say marked a maid? Yes, he nearly pee'd on this unsuspecting woman watering the plants. Nubi quickly relieved himself of a huge load and furrily went about his way.

Stopping by the street-light pole for yet another canine stress-reliever, i noticed that the poles are registered by none other than, POLE inc. How original is that? Name the pole-making company 'Pole'. *Cue random Polish joke here to highlight their stupidity*

While we were heading home, we came across a scrawny, underfed (and most probably abused) maid struggling to keep 2 huge golden retrievers tethered. As Nubi bo chuply pranced by, the two feral mutts suddenly started snarling while exerting an unholy amount of strength on the poor maid.

The result? Both dogs rushed Nubi, one jumping on top of him and digging his sickle-like claws into Nubi's back. The other was content with sinking his teeth into Nubi's rump. Fur was flying everywhere. It was... Horrifying.

My maternal instincts immediately came into play and i ushered Nubi into a corner as the maid regained control of her hell hounds. Nubi was whimpering and shivering with his normally pert tail folded in the confines of his legs. He was also very sensitive to touch and would shy away from any form of physical contact. I just crouched down on the ground next to him and hugged him for 5 whole minutes, in the middle of the road.

I felt so scared for Nubi. I was combing through his fur, dreading a bleeding bite mark. He just sat there, licking my hand. In the end, he returned to normal long before i did. While he was back to his carefree self, i was still paranoid when walking by other dogs.

I love you, Nubi.

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*It's 2 small square pillows, 3 large pillows, 1 bolster, 2 medium sized soft-toy dogs, 2 small soft-toy dogs, 1 airplane pillow and 1 Mogu bead pillow. Just fyi.



Its a dog-eat-dog world, but i've got... Karma (Remix) - Alicia Keys

Hello Trig, Jello Leg

I HAVE LOST THE ABILITY TO MAKE CONCISE, RANDOM AND REVOLUTIONARY BLOG ENTRIES!

Scratching my Power-Legs© to... Good Times - Chic

Ego Yokes, High Cholesterol Part 2

In case you readers haven't noticed the very prominent and ever-changing column on the right of this page stating in obvious bold, "Yoke of the Day", this post is here to remind you of its dreary existence and in case you missed any earlier, to not miss them and their inate logic.

It's basically my personal, small scale Speaker's Corner. Just very brief. And one sided. And irreverent. But these minor issues provide no setback to it's rousing success and complement the fluidity of my thought and conscience. I did not know what i was talking about in the last few sentences.

The Yokes also tend to relate to the entry of that day, so try to find some link! These incoherent convolutions start from just after the O' level results were released this year.

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• Haku the An-butch (Sentiments after amassing Narultimate Hero, and using this very effeminate girl-guy guy character. Sigh that [s]he's so uber cool)
  
• Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten. (Lyrical excerpt from Natasha Beddingfield's "Unwritten", very apt lyrics)
  
• The New In-thing: Beauty (Some obscure reference to inner beauty here, which is OH SO IMPORTANT... Not)
  
• I stone more than i rock. (kopped from Ashish's MSN nickname, truly true)
  
• Face it, the Tooth hurts. (With days left to spare till my wisdom teeth's crucifixion at the dental cross)
  
• I Know What You Did Last Semester. (A cryptic comment i devised for Ernest last year, when there were rumours that he did something gross for teachers to get his unnaturally high literature grade)
  
• ProYownage. (After my ranting about wanting a Bumble-bee yoyo for my wisdom tooth removal recovery present. Still haven't got anything...)
  
• The tooth? You can't handle the tooth! (There goes all my wisdom...)
  
• The best things in life... are not things. (Wisdom pops in for a guest appearance)
  
• You want to have your wisdoms removed? Suture self. (HAHA 'suture self' = 'suit yourself'? Sutures meaning stitches? Argh just because i learnt that as a new word didn't mean i had to debut it so cheesily)
  
• Where do Islams eat on Friday? Mosqueburger (spur hur E.e Ate at Mosburger that day and was feeling fat and vengeful to the fast food industry)
  
• Super + uber = suber. Stupid + ipod = stupod. hence suber stupod = ?? (complete the equation to get my very blatant feelings toward the over-priced piece of junk flooding markets now)
  
• Working like a dog, at the synagogue... (Lyrical excerpt from Weird Al's "Pretty Fly [For a Rabbi], a damn gosu song. This was in commemoration of school restarting. Shit, getting a huge piece of deja vu now...)
  
• That's very rude, mind your manures. (Must i really explain this?)
  
• Don't worry, you'll be safe in the afterlife since All Dogs Go to Heaven. (A quasi-witty insult i devised years back in days of yore and older blogs. The show rocks!)
  
• Yay Nubi's afterlife is secured then. (Couldn't be bothered to come up with something wittier. Soiree for that!)
  
• Wo Men is bai tian shi studen, wan shang shi bludder. (uggh gross CNB advert that everyone was spamming on my flooble chatterbox)
  
• Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. (E-mail from Jen regarding this competition wherebyreaders of a magazine were to remove/add/change a letter in a word to give it a completely new meaning. This was the best, and most apt for i killed 14 mosquitoes that night)
  
• Typohoid: The disease which results in multiple spelling errors over MSN. (My own spin at the word competition after one-too-many typos spoiled my many punchlines)
  
• How can one forget a designated Yoke of the Day???
  
• Karma >>> Zen (My Zen Touch got pwned with some shit hard drive problem. Similar to my karma just ran over your dogma)
  
• Money not used in betting is money saved is money earned. (ie GAMBLE GAMBLE!)
  
• '... he then controls mating rights with all females that come...' (Leave it to Discover magazine to come up with alpha male quotes. Haha there was actually an omitted "to the waterhole to drink", but leave it to my pervy mind to come up with this)
  
• Nigga what? (Jigga what? Jigga who?)
  

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John Lennon has his Yoko Ono, I have my Yoke-o, Day-old.



Shortchanging Bio time to... Ugly - Blaque ft Missy Elliott

Holiday Clone #5: Hyp(no) Hop

I napped for an interminable 4 hours from 4 to 8pm, effectively ruining the entirety of my plans for mugging committing Biology to my short-term memory. This was inevitable, i guess, for it was my subconscious recouping its due time shortchanged because of excessive DotA. Woke up with traces of an uber headache, but quickly went and pre-empted its strike by taking a bath before dinner.

Napping's 1st Law states that the % of relaxation felt is directly proportional to the time spent napping, provided its constant of proportionality (avg of 2.5 hours) is not exceeded. Once exceeded, Napping's 2nd Law takes effect whereby the intensity of the headache is directly proportional to the time spent sleeping after.

Graph to illustrate:

My humps, my lovely lady lumps...

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I got my SATs subject scores back. 2 x 780s and 1 x 800 for chem, physics and maths respectively. I'm extremely happy for maths and physics, but chem...

Very disappointing, indeed. HOW DID I GET ONLY 780??!! Awk.

Jeremy seems to think that i can apply into Harvard with these scores, though. That's like, WTF!? Such an easy test, such mediocre scores, and i can get into Harvard? Stupid Singaporean education and the immense pressure for its receipients (read: student slave labourers) to excel. Anyway, all of you out there go and take the SATs Subject Tests and prove my bounding intelligence and wit modesty wrong.

Well, since today's events were rather quotidian and unremarkable, i shall end this entry short... AND POST A DOUBLE!

Wahaha it'll just be a second update on Yokes of the Day of eons past.



Regurgitating gelato to... Like You - Bow Wow

Karaoke? OK!

It seems people have been misreading my semi-controversial rant with regards to those other *ahem* Singaporean bloggers.

A brief translation in Singaporean English for all those illiterate troglodytes out there:

Mr Brown: Very English. Blog teaches us to be Singaporeans. Who needs that when we ourselves are all Singaporeans? Singlish sucks, but i still use it what.

ta da

I'm not defaming and swinging metaphorical mud at his shiny clean repute. Heck, i even found one of his later entries on Batman thoroughly entertaining.

What amazed me though, is that all those shadow blog readers commenting on my last post only defended Mr Brown, with whom my comments weren't even that derogatory toward. What of Xiaxue or Sandralicious? Is what i'm saying true, or is it that their dedicated fans are sick of requesting their songs any more?

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Speaking of dedicating songs, i just came back from a gosu 5-hour-long KARAOKING SESSION! This was with my sisters and Daryl, in celebration of Shawne's birthday. Didn't get her any Bacardi though, only her lunch treat @ an antique shop in PS and a weird nut/chocolate crispy pancake thing.

I shan't disclose how i fared, but everyone else was terrifying superb. Daryl could pwningly modulate his voice and his normal singing maintained his image as a fencing-choirboy. Er Jie (second sis, Shawne) was also very professional, with her low male notes being rather impressive on top of her pop voice. Finally, San Jie (third sis, Karlyne) was suber lagi SIREN-LIKE! And not in a bad way...

Other than that, i've been under a severe sleep deprivation since Saturday. My hypnotherapeutics (read: sleep) only began on Saturday and Sunday morning at 4:30am and waking up at 8:30 am and 12pm respectively...

For what, you gingerly ask, lest you incur my wrath by irritating me in my current state of drowsy rage:

DEFENCE OF THE ANCIENTS!

Black Strat owned, Stealth Fighters/Squad owned, Strengthwhore + Aurawhore owned. Uggh DotA OWNED. I can't beliecve i'm getting addicted to it so near the JC common tests, especially when i personally swore not to.

Damn those computer programmers in Silicon Valley (read: nerds who have not seen the light of faraway Silicone Valley). I bet their stereotypical lack of a social life has induced in them the vengeance to impose this same punishment upon others worldwide. This is attained by creating games so fiendishly addictive that no one under the age of 22 (haha modulated for you, Daryl) can resist its temptations.

Edit: It's 2:30am and i'm not asleep yet. Damn that sleep cycle carousel.



Marvelling at Despo Hwives to... Sick Cycle Carousel - Lifehouse

Singaporean Bloggers... Or Not?

Why is it that Singapore's bloggers of the highest profile sound so bloody foreign?

For example:

Mr Brown: Snootay Bri-ish. Besides adding that pseudo-prefix to his name to up his repute, he also adopts the extremely common western name of 'Brown'. What takes the cake, however, is that his blog became famous due to its many lessons on being a Singaporean. As if we Singaporean bloggers, with our constant exposure to bengness, need any more lessons other than that the education system bombards us with. Also, why would true foreigners want anything to do with singlish, the illegitimate child of Mr English and his many, many mistresses?


Xiaxue: Cheena, definitely cheena. What's up with such an unglam alias (besides her blog viewership)? Doesn't help that she accentuates (read: transmorgrifies) her face with the tons of tone, the halo of shadow and a plethora of mascara. She's got it all set in her roleplaying, though. Just take a sample exerpt from her ramblings:

"If it were a random porn picture I saw at a porn website, I think nobody would even look at it twice."

So who's seeing it again? Xiaxue, the reader or me (YESYES!)?? Trust only somebody with english as a second language to speak like this. Unless they have Malay, which is EXACTLY the same, save for their warped sense of spelling. Now THIS truly takes the kek.


Mr Miyagi: Where's the sashimi handroll? I would have thought that he'd start advertising for Mitsubishi already, what with his immense popularity. Thankfully, as are the Japanese, he's the one man ageing population, and hopefully his blog will become passe enough for other young 'uns like me to dominate gracefully replace.


Sandralicious: Hmm, does the Prostituency of Whore-lasia ring a bell?

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Fret not, for a lone and purely Singaporean blogger is taking the visual spectrum by storm. I'm talking about none other than jianbrutha! He's got the totally unpretentious name of 'jianbrutha', a condensation of 'jian' for ahem, 'crafty' and 'brutha' for 'that pesky neighbourhood kid shamelessly trying to be a African American'.

He represents everything Singaporean! From the kiasu to the erm, kiasu. His entries are sooo objective and speak nothing but the unbiased truth! Last but not least, his obsession with popularity will only ensure that he traverses the just and righteous way to up his blog viewership, and that he would not maliciously slander other more (in)famous bloggers!

Disclaimer: You're a fool to believe the saintly dw will actually mean this. Especially now that he's met most of these prominent figures, and realises they rock (ed: 20/7/05)!



Tapping my fingers to... Wait (The Whisper Song) - Ying Yang Twins

Birth

Spawned during infusion;
Created via intrusion;
Orbs in rapid division.
Consciousness, intelligence,
Trapped within a cell.
Birth.

Raised amidst confusion;
Nurtured without seclusion;
Sound, taste, smell, feeling, vision.
Consciousness, intelligence,
Released from the cell.
Growth.

Freedom breeds maturity;
Itself breeding uncertainty;
A hungering for safety.
Consciousness, intelligence,
Shared with all too well.
Love.

Fine Champagne on the rocks;
Wedding ring within a box;
The door itself is locked.
Consciousness, intelligence,
Entranced by a spell.
Sex.

Spawned during infusion;
Created via intrusion;
Orbs in rapid division.
Consciousness, intelligence,
Trapped within a cell.
Trapped there once again.
Birth.

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Appreciating life posthumously to... Heart of Worship [Crunk]

In Tomorrow Lies a Better Future

Truly, truly.

Well, can't say that my selfish and shameless pimping wasn't successful, what with my low profile entry "When There's a Will..." made the page at tomorrow.sg, a coglomeration of Singaporean bloggers and blogheads.

The spectacular result: An innumerable addition to my blogpatrol counter! What's up with 80 IP-specific readers in the first 10 hours of the day??! That's like, so record-breaking its practically vandalism.

The thrill and excitement derived from such an ethereal goal as fame may be detrimental in long-term, but WHAT THE HEY, it rocks, i rock.

I swear, this is better than going crazy. Or drunk. Or crunk. Erm scrap that last one, gettin' crunk is ma LIFE! Pardon the deviation from the sober tone, but i am rather inebriated on the temporal nirvana that is FAME and ACKNOWLEDGMENT! Wahaha attention whore...

What does one do to rid oneself of the impermeably dense fog of delirious high? Why, one goes to the DSTA Holiday Treat© (you can see why they'd want to copyright that)!! It was this full day event whereby geektards and nerdoids volunteeringly signed up for a free buffet, free Counterstrike military simulations and a free Omnimax movie. Being such kiasus, who wouldn't?

It started off with several classmates and i descending upon (read: we are so angelic that we can fly) the Singapore Science Centre. After a tedious Defence Science & Technology briefing that may or may not have altered my vocational future, we were ushered into the theatre to begin the feature performance: MYSTIC INDIA!

I shall refrain from further elaborations lest my comments spark off Singapore's third racial riots. Aiyoh between the Caucasians and the Japanese, LAH!

After the whole shindig, i single-handedly organised a 8:40pm screening of Batman Begins for 10 people. 'Organising' also taking on the definition of being an absolute slave to everyone while trying to accomodate and coordinate it to the preferences of individuals.

Meh, it was so successful that i managed it all within the ride home from Kovan MRT. I'm feeling i start a course of Organisation 101 at NTU (no, it's not a course for maids and housewives).

BATMAN ROCKS! Wah it's one of the best shows i've seen all year! Cool effects, nice story, cool gadgets, stony-but-otherwise-acceptable-for-stoic-Bruce-Wayne acting, cool allusions... Oh and did i mention that the show was uber godly cool? I even suggested throwing the tacky GV combo of the week freebie (a plastic batman torso w/ cape) into the cinema crowd while Batman was majestically soaring above the rooftops on screen. The effects there would have been priceless

The Scarecrow, though, did not get his just desserts. Not that he was a particularly malefic villian without the typical storybook ending, but that he had virtually NO ROLE in the movie. You call THAT a semi-main antagonist??

I, on the other hand, have set into motion the wheels of my world domination. Firstly, i'll entrap my friends by being so damned nice that they end up owing me all sorts of unwritten favours. Secondly, i'll extend my influence through the blogosphere (even tomorrow.sg is susceptible to my wiles WAHA!). Finally, the subconscious will be manipulated on a global scale as my, yes, MY lyrics are sung simultaneously by 2 bands on opposite poles of the world.

Yes, this world will soon be mine!!

Shit, i'm already filling up the knife-studded shoes of a monologuing megalomaniac...



Feeling filthy, FILTHY RICH to... They Don't Want Music - BEP ft James Brown

Blog Banes

"night club ogres clips"

... is what someone searched in yahoo.com to find this blog... Omit the 's' from 'clips' and you get a whole list of XXX websites. Looks like my blog qualifies as ass-less pornography o.O


Congren said that my blog's entire entries, and entendres are entrancing... NOT! He said something about iharthdarth being short and sweet, UNLIKE MINE. Its MY blog, i can write as lengthily or as littly as possible, in any language i deem fit.

On the other hand, what he says does has some merit. *Uggh! Fingers freezing up, joints jamming... I can't seem to admit that someone else is right for a change!* My blog entries DO tend to get rather monotonous and droll and boring and dull and droning and uninteresting and...

Oh and did i mention that it's full of pointless repetitions as well?

For this my pop blog, my masterpiece, my treasured literary sewage pipes (since i vent out my juices, whether creative or derogatory), i want the best! I want it to be presented in a proper, accessible (even to the degenerate simpletons) manner! I want to WIN WAHAHA!

Anyway, i'm thinking of submitting some of my entries to this weird tomorrow.sg thing, and was wondering which one you, the reader (yes, i'm decided to stop ignoring you) prefer. Besides the mandatory "Wizard of Whores", my legendarily lengthy coup de grace, i'd like suggestions on which other entries would make the comedy/literary categories. Recommend these here! Wah i'm so shameless i can feel it though my shameless skin.

Tell me, would any random porn-seeking missile (whew warhead liaos) stop by MY blog, after fiendishly typing in a grossgusting search, unless it were any good?



Pimpin My Blog to... Hip Hop Star - Beyonce Knowles

Holiday Clone #4

Yesterday, i spent eons trying to coax Nubi back into the house from down the lane. I left him there with his leash still attached while he was sonorously sniffing (read: snorting) away at something unknown/invisible/undetectable by us puny humans. It was obviously unsuccessful, with him lingering in that particular spot and staring back at me the whole 10 minutes.

Meh, he's young. He'll learn to come back into the house eventually... Damn those undeniably squishy and cute Huskies. No one ever has the heart (or a lack thereof) to slap one of those fuzzle muzzles while its looking back at you dolefully and forlornly, with eyes that speak...

"WOOF WOOF!"

Riiight.

---

Nothing much happed today except "KILLING SPREE!" and "UNSTOPPABLE!" in DOTA say, several million, times. Woowoo!

See, I went to Daryl's house in the morning in fervent anticipation of comandeering the Goblin Techie in my famous Black Strat©. Upon reaching there at 9am with Vodka Mudshakes, i found that he was still sleeping, to which i let him continue.

By the way, Cheers has the worst regulations on alcohol purchase/consumption for minors. I saw this kid there with his mom buying a mini Vodka Swirl Shot Glass, thinking it was some candy. AND the mother smiled happily for it and gave the kid money to pay! AND they were MALAYS. Wtf is Singapore coming to... Drunken driving and baby trolley pile-ups next?

10 minutes passed, 20 minutes passed, 30 minutes passed, (OK u get the drift) ... 2 hours passed before he finally arose from his slumber. Thanfully though, for i wouldn't have been able to play with a clear conscience if i had not finished this week's "Time" and get in some chemistry studying (isomerism, syneresis, etc. All those simple and fun stuff, ya know?).

The result, 3 hours of unbridled FUN and OWNAGE! Black strat OWNz! Me as Techie OWNz! Top hero frags, creep blocks, random whatshit... Go to his blog to see some screenies of the carn/ownage!

How mesmerised we were with this virtual game within a game that i forgot my main purpose going to the East. The ORA VOLLEYBALL INVITATIONAL! A hurried Subway lunch with the vodka mudshake (damn sexy, akin to a chocolate bailey's) resulted in utter bloatedness and giddyness for awhile. Not sure whether it was the measly 4% alcohol or my engorged stomach sapping all the blood away from my head in futile attempts to digest a footlong sub...

The vball tourney was rather crap though. Played like, 1.5 games (scored 4!), with us being thrashed by the Old Rafflesian Association guys in the full one. Stayed all the way till 9pm and got a plaque thing anyway cause "everyone's a winner".

Riiight.

Are the day's entries too long for you? Have you even bothered to read up till this point? If you have then i have captivated you and you are MINE forever!! *cackles*

Sigh what's the point of captivation when i have to succumb to the mundane wiles of Physics. Nono, not that i can't fly (that too, though), but that i have to go and complete my "Suber Concise Fizziks Notes©" by tonight...



Mahjong Solitairing the night away to... Don't Call Me Baby - Madison Avenue

When There's a Will, There's a Way

• When there's a pill, there's dismay
• When there's a bill, there's a pay
  
• When there's oil spill, there's no quay
  
• When there's uphill, there's a sleigh
  
• When voice's shrill, there's a spray
  
• When there's goodwill, there's soiree
  
• When there's a krill, there's a whale
• When there's a thrill, there's a play
• When there's a grill, there's buffet
• When there's a till, there's cache
• When there's a kill, there's decay
• When there are frills, there's a fray
  
• When there's a fill, there's a weigh
  
• When there's nil, there's nay
• When there's an ill, there's delay

---

Edit: Nubi eats sian cai, or salted vegetables o...O



When there's word skill, there's a Dwayne to... Like That - Black Eyed Peas

Holiday Clone #3: Song Bo?

Can i be a lame cynic and ask all of you to go and spam this sickly lovey-dovey blog's chatterbox with messages? Roleplay some and improvise with your own humourously doting messages/massages, but don't give away your identity. Stupid public displays of affection should be permanently neutered. As should the lovers involved.

---

I've composed 2 songs for Postponed already, one of it being modelled after a weirdly popular game "Trivial Pursuit" which contains an interpolation of the Animaniacs' "I'm Cute" song. The other is the stereotypical save-the-world song about hunger. I put more research into the latter, however, and the facts i found were disturbingly eerie: only 24000 people die from starvation daily. Only. I was like, WTF?

While playing with Nubi earlier, i noticed a small pussy pus-filled sore just under his left eye. I cleaned it to much wincing and extremely cute whining on his part while unfathomable thoughts of his untimely and imminent demise flooded my mind. Poor dog, don't die on me leh (which is coincidentally what i thought to myself 5 times already). Animals and their lives just don't adhere to slick ol' me, as noted by the frequent massacres i conduct...

I sincerely hope that this 5-cent-sized sore doesn't develop into something worse. I spent clock-loads worth of time after that killing as many flies as i could (5!) to prevent possible infection. You might say i'm absessed with it. Wa. Ha.

In case you noticed, several entries have been titled 'Holiday Clone'. This is to exemplify the dazed days where no particular topic/philosophy has wedged its way up my ass cheeks (hence making me irritatable and irritating).

Other than that, i've officially begun my physics studying! I finished 4 chapters in 2 hours (in other words, did not finish and just skimmed through), so technically i'm more than half done and my goal for the week would be complete soon O..o I began my intensive mugging after drinking a huge pint of Long Island Inferiori-tea mixed with copious amounts of Time-lacka shots.

Sigh, the detriments of staying up past 3am massing DOTA...



Feeling all too much apparent weight to... Bebot - Black Eyed Peas

Avillion >>>> U

Avillion OWNED!

I managed to keep awake on the 4 hour rides there and back simply because of my UBER GOSU Mp3s (daryl and ka may dispute, but that's not my prob). Also, the long ride there was therapeutic and allowed me to keep my cool, especially since i was in the front seat with the aircons blasting away at moi.

The first night was spent stoning around the resort campus. It deserved wholly its 5 stars, save for the stuffiness of my new room in particular. In the first room, Ben kicked my vball at the toilet patterned glass panes and smashed it. I unwittingly (read: stupidly) stepped around barefoot into the room and got a (not so) sizeable piece embedded into my foot. Blood here and there, but otherwise the ebb and flow of it stopped.

We stayed up till past 3pm watching HBO and playing me and nick's lame card game (points-based whereby you get 1 for winning a set. 4 sets including Highest-Card-First, Blackjack, Poker and 2p Tai-dee).

As the second day dawned upon us (literally), we woke up at the very unholiday-like time of 7:45am for breakfast. The only reason i woke up was because i thought that an aunt had said it was 11:45 (curse those damn 7-11s), and was shocked that the day was half gone.

After breakfast (and lunch), we played WATER RUGBY! As we had dominated the adults' pool and managed to displace everyone else in it, the 8 of us guys used my volleyball and played a weird adaptation of rugby, but as the name suggests, IN WATER (wowwee.) It involved us trying to get the ball to the other end of the pool with each team having only one person that could pass forward.

In between our sessions of the exhausting water rugby (imagine not onl having to contend with other players' masses, but the water resistance as well), we wandered the beach at low tide and started pwning the many millions of crabs scurrying around.

My personal favourite method of mass murder was FLICKING them (i DO notice that FLICKING looks much like f***ing, which could be described as what the carnivorous snails did to them crabs). They, being of some soft-shelled variety, splattered under the immense pressure of the fingernail.

Murderous appetite, satiated.

After dinner, we went to, guess...

Guess.

Really, guess. You wouldn't imagine me in my entire lifetime doing something like this.

...

...

KARAOKE! (+booze-ums, of course)

I would say i owned at the Bee Gee's 'Stayin Alive' (cue pained expressions of weirdness and a loss of respect for the great Dwayne). There were many other songs that we just sang together in groups, save for Nick, who was content stoning with his Long Island Iced Tea. Can't say that's not SPECTED.

Anyway, it was a trip of many firsts for me. First time actually swimming publicly since mass losing weight, first time karaoking, first time with Peranakan cuisine, first time my sis let me sit in front the whole trip, first time having had to flush 5 times before my ahem, excretion finally got swallowed by the toilet bowl...

Erm, never mind.



Awaiting DOTA to... Disco Club - Black Eyed Peas

Decisions Making Incisions Into My Precision

Decisions:

To go or not to go for volleyball training this morning which was decided by my father telling me that i had to go and update my passport. I woke up at 7:30 am for this???

To update or not to update my passport photo, which i eventually did after taking not one, but two mugshots of myself. Both were undeniably ugly, but that's typical of all legal documents anyway. I actually used the picture of me smiling with my teeth bared (read: snarling). Only after i had the photo permanently imprinted (esp since they used Perma-Stick, the high-class bastards) onto my passport did i realise that my entire bottom lip was crooked beyond compare. Meh.

When i reached Bishan MRT on my way home, i suddenly and unfortunately remembered my uncollected O'level certificate and my Edusave cheque, which was all the way back at ACSI in Dover... Uggh. If not for my 8 Days and the cunning scheme i devised to get Subway for lunch, i probably wouldn't have gone back and would have just let those inconsequential paraphernalia rot for another weekend. A boon then, that my father pledged half of the $2250 cheque to ME! WAHAHA

Finally, i have to eventually make the decision on whether to sleep during the car ride or not. MY MUSIC being played! For once (k maybe 4x+++)!... Sigh

---

Also, the poor people in the Netherlands. And not because my swakoo of a father and sisters are going down in July to rollerblade cross-country.

What a positively (or negatively) stinking country name to have.

Its like,
"How is life in your nether regions?"
"My Netherlands?"

...

Also, wouldn't that make the Netherlese (or wdv) simply crabs? Or genital herpettes?

There's one thing good though, when they say they're loyal to their country, you can be sure they mean it ;)



Typing on my sister's dreadful keyboard to... M1A1 - Gorillaz

Holiday Clone #2: Cha-Cha-Chalet

OMG packed packed past few days.

I went for the class chalet on Tuesday, albeit slightly late because i had to wait for the broccoli salad to be conjured up by my grandmother. Due to the expansiveness and extensiveness of it, i had to book a cab to take me and only me all the way down to Downtown East at the price of a whopping $14.

Once there, we engaged in all sorts of heinous activities encompassing touch rugby, soccer, engorging ourselves on delightfully devilish food and MAHJONG! Yes, you heard me right. I have culturally immersed myself in the 120% cheena game of mahjong. I say 'culturally immersed' because i do not regard myself as a pure Chinese. That and the fact that i tend to drown helplessly in anything chinese.

After observing roughly 3 games (without any aid from Haoyi, whatsoever), i had almost completely mastered the ropes and went in for a few tries myself.

To which i got PWNZORZED miserably.

Well, practice makes perfect and my swan song was pitch-perfect with its delicate falsettos (read: i won the last game!). After that, it was homeward bound as i had to dredge back the salad, lest it rot and simmer away to the Singapore heat. Also, i inconveniently forgot to bring change. Luckily i went home though, for i had to shampoo 4 times to remove the noxious BBQ stench (unfortunately some of my dye as well)


Yesterday, i went to watch the sneaks of 'Mr and Mrs Smith'! It was truly perfection in reaction kinematics... Good chemistry, quite hot, definitely interesting and lots of action.

The ending was rather abrupt and fantasical though. The epitome of 'deus ex machina', or "God from a machine", a technique to conclude tales that have spun way out of proportion by introducing a completely improbable element into the story that solves all the problems. In this one, it was them... Hmm, i guess you wouldn't want to hear this spoiler. Other examples includes martians being opera-intolerant and protagonists waking up to realise everything was a dream.

Riiight.

I also got the new BEP album, Monkey Business! w00t have been eagerly awaiting its arrival since i got Elephunk for my birthday last year then followed up with Bridging the Gaps. ROX ROX ROX. All download "Pump It", "My Style", "Bebot", "They Don't Want Music", "My Humps", "Ba Bump" and "Gone Going". Omg so many lasting ones after only 4 listenings...

Ooh and i've been approached by another friend to write songs for their band. Woowoo my influence can slowly be spread to the rest of the world WAHAHA! Riight, ignore that last statement. Done one, doing another to let Gavin Peter and Postponed preview and critique.

Other than that, today has been rather slack. I went TANNING again on my balcony/crude and redundant protrusion from my father's room. I swear, with the surplus of rays i've been bombarded by, i'm sure to morph into some Hulk (just not green, but a beautiful bronze!). I measure the time i'm in the sun by songs played on my Zen speakers, and i spent a record 18 songs sweating it out like some porky mammal there...


I'm going to Port Dickson tomorrow with the EFers! Wah the long drive down (yes, you heard it right, DRIVE) provides me with an opportunity once again to impose my preferences on others. This time, its not by my excessive online ranting, but by my Dw's MP3s 4th Generation (my car can play mp3s) that i burnt on monday! WAHAHA! Nothing but a pounding influx of HIP HOP for 3 hours there. And 3 hours back. And all hours in between ;}

To end this spiralling-out-of-control of an entry, i state "DEUS EX MACHINA"!



Need to start studying to CTs to... Ba Bump - Black Eyed Peas

Class Chalet!

With no further delay,
To the class chalet!
Off and away!

Basketballs, soccerballs,
Volleyballs, anyballs.
We're gonna have a ball!

Escapades!
Ace of spades!
The fun never fades!

Poem's so cheesy,
Almost as much as our BBQ.
It's all too easy.
Oh and that's my cue,

With no further delay
To the class chalet
Off and away!

---

Edit: OMFG this is one of my worst poems ever and is hence not going to be saved in my anthology of masterpieces. Just needed to rush an entry, and this one took a whopping 6 minutes! That's one whole minute off my mark... Kthxbye!



Whipping brocolli salad to... Celebrate - Kylie Minogue

Heavytapz

... So that's what the Heavy Hands course my father raves and rants about is. No, it does not involve us transforming into club-wielding orges for one happy hour in the night.

Nono, its much more torturous.

It is essentially an aerobics course lasting the duration of 7 mostly horrible and tasteless songs. Its moniker is justified in the grasping of a light weight (3 pounds for me) in each hand and then proceeding to do major thigh swingy things.

Despite the wait and the entire prospect outdoor aerobics carried out in a neighbourhood to a pre-made CD, it was somewhat fun. The company of Jeremy (Nunns), Daryl, my sis and some new friends made was rather gregarious and enjoyable. There was the BSB cynic, the blur kiah and the pontianak-white one...

Hmm, none of the above descriptions apply if any of them read this, however.

We were pulling lame games on them all! The lesser known (and hence especially fun) ones such as the Light, MRT, Clocks to the popularised and infamous Black Magic. Jeremy, not being of Singaporean government-regulated education (the lucky bastard), knew nothing of the utter simplicity and grating stupidity of these games. Well, all the more fun ;]

'Heavytapz', btw, was my old self-crowned title. It is an obvious amalgamation of the words 'heavy' (go figure) and 'tapz'. 'Tapz' originated from Linus and his very unhealthy obsession with animated clips of various tapian (shit). Long story here, but ever since then, a whole host of 'tap' related prefixes and suffixes have been cleverly devised and the word is practically used as loosely/interchangeably/widely as 'fuck'.

Oh and i went TANNING on my balcony. WTF i went TANNING in MY balcony??!! Ack nevermind. Just picture me in PE shorts sleeping on a grossgusting hair-clogged carpet piece with a Newsweek over my face... This lasted for an agonising 12 songs worth of time or until it became too cloudy to continue.

There is now an extremely fine tan line on my thigh. 'Fine' being the kind of definition you get using a 1B blunt pencil on wet glass. Furthermore, instead of being ghastly white, i'm now a slightly darker white. Whoopdeedoo.

OMG and i just realised that i forgot to turn around while tanning...

Sheet guys!



Trying to look for my vertical tanline to...Break You - Marion Raven

Music Make You Lose Control

Missy Elliott's newest single "Lose Control" has been on replay 11 times in a row and counting on my Windows Media Player.

Initially, the song sounded weirder than personally expected, especially with the lack of the best part "Music make you lose control" thingums. This led to me replaying it the first 3 times to get used to/try to like the song.

However, the ensuing 8 (now 9) times is because the song ROCKS!

Omg. Ciara ownz, Fatman Scoop ownz, Missy Elliott ownz. Together, they OWN SO MUCH it hurts in the bowels.

Also, i've found a new idol! Marion Raven and her solo rocker chick persona. She has a damn pwning song in "Break You" and by jove, her voice rocks... I was previewing her album on the MTV asia webbie earlier.

Guess what? She is one-half of that pwningly poppy princess power party, M2M. I was like, "WAAAAAH" when i saw it in her bio. Its like, "WTF! My, how she has grown omg she's so chio and sounds so adult and cool now please marry me".


"No, i do not want M&Ms as my sponsor..."

Of course, my heart (or eyes) are still reserved for CIARA only.

---

How people have found my blog using Google/Yahoo searches (Keywords):

• madagascar quotes movie what bite butt between friends
• dwayne sharp
• aysuria
• CokeSpill
• maxine RJ
• vitagen drink
• Don't Cha Pussycat Dolls singer who is she
• jianbrutha
• moor-tarbet
• wizard of whores

Utterly, totally, purely, supremely, extremely weird. Esp the first one.

---

Anyway, nothing much happened yesterday besides Nick and I OWNING at DOTA using the lovingly dubbed cheap-ass BLACK STRAT. It involved him being the Goblin Techies (a hero that can do this suicide explosion) and me being a stunner (besides being obviously stunning).

If you were wondering why we called it the Black Strat, its because 'black' has assumed many connotations in the EFers. Connotations other than being chow-tar (burnt) from fiery explosions and tempers...

Since we were in the same room, we could co-ordinate our attacks to ultimate precision: I would toss a Storm Bolt at opponent heroes and effectively immobilise them for a whole 2 seconds, to which Nick could cheong right next to him and SUICIDE SQUAD, ATTACK!

It was so damned exhilirating! He gets the hero kills and the oodles of cash while i get the experience points from the hero-kill(sss). We pulled this strat off so successfully during early game that we irritated the heck out of the opponents in our lane enough for them to leave! We also reduced the average victory-deciding time to roughly 20 minutes (as opposed to the lengthy and overdone 1.3 hours...)


Wahaha MUSIC MAKE YOU LOSE CONTROL! Heeha Whoopee Whizza Wudee Izzy Izzy Ah



Bopping my head to... Lose Control - Missy Elliott ft Ciara, Fatman Scoop x13

I Was Outed @ Toastmasters

I Was Outed @ Toastmasters

[Verse 1: Male]
Pronunciation, treasured
Pitch elocution, measured
But homosexuals, pressured
Its hard to talk with all this c***

[Pre-chorus 1: Male]
And I licked the pencil
The figurative one at that
I fulfilled HER stencil
I'm defying the common stat

[Chorus x2]
I was outed at Toastmasters, you see
but I didn't shout out that i had it in me

[Verse 2: Female]
Session for the speech-impaired
With all these prepared speeches
For this, however, they weren't prepared
Its hard to crit with all this cl**

[Pre-chorus 2: Female]
And i ate the tuna
The figurative one at that
I fulfilled HIS stencil
I'm defying the common stat

[Chorus x2]

[Pre-chorus 1 + chorus]

[Pre-chorus 2 + chorus]

Now we're all toastmaster debators
Now we're all cunning linguists

---

Riiite. I was inspired to write this after some rather weird occurences at the Toastmasters' Club last night. Its basically this public speaking course that teaches you to elucidate and elocute properly (ooo try it with that last phrase).

In the first half hour, there were free response, spontaneous topics, one of which was "What would you do if your son/daughter came up to you and confessed to be a homosexual?". Daryl, being the smart aleck, suggested i go up and admit, thereby forcing my father to go up and speak.

This was AFTER i had my hair dyed a sexy blonde on thurs and had it shown off during training. Blonde + sophistication + sexiness = gay**. Nonetheless, it earned a stunning reception and it was pivotal in my new image as some 'grizzly bear' according to Lionel.

Today morning, i had my SATs Subject Tests! WAH they're easy. Too easy. Too deceptively easy. Its the type of questions that are so straightforward and simple that, being a typical Singaporean, one would go and ask "aay, where's the trick/catch in it?".

All in all, i'm proud of my brownness today. New bronzed (hmm more like rusted-with-moss-bronze) tan and my tinted hair. Also, i was wearing this cool brown shit shirt and these psychadelic pants to go with it. Of course, i was cooped indoors for far too long to have posed in it.

**As usual, i have none of these and am immediately disqualified from this queer competition. Right? Riight??!



Swirling my blonde locks to... On & On - Missy Elliott

Feel-Good-Crap©

Come experience Dwayne's patented, 100% guranteed plus refunds, copyrighted and franchised Feel-Good-Crap©! It involves reliving a gruelling and exhausting session (typical of a training taken by Marvin) such as Feel-Good-Crap©'s spokesperson Dwayne did yesterday.

It is cleverly and aptly named as such due to the utterly CRAPPY feeling you get after only 1 session! This feeling, however, is innately GOOD because of what one did to achieve it (read: purely punishing PT)!

What YOU will get, is a FULL-BODY-ACHE *gasps*! Not just an unimaginative murmur in your heart nor a painful sensation when urinating*, but your entire package**, completely sore!

YOU, just as Dwayne did, will undergo a total tricep, back, abs, quads and calves workout! Throw in a couple of aching biceps if you went and did free weights in your bathroom on Tuesday!

In the course of the next day, you will immediately reap the benefits of your torture exercise, guranteed to give you marvellously (or should we say, Marvinlously?) unimaginable amounts of exhaustion!


Tendon-cy to jellify your appendages. Pudding not included.
The cost, FREE!!

You only have to wake up at 8:00am during mondays, wednesdays and fridays of the June holidays and sacrifice your entire, normally productive mornings. Also, the griminess and sweatiness that follows is not the company's responsibility.

ENJOY Feel-Good-Crap© NOW!

*If you are going through problems as such, please visit your urologist, LOSA!
**Does not refer to one's penis/scrotum/testicles here.

---

Smallprint: There is, however, a small defect with the product. The user will sleep for extended periods of time such that his family members would deem him comatose and prematurely bury him. Records have shown that Dwayne napped an appaling 4 hours more than normal today and effectively had his day ruined and his sleep cycle turned into a sleep pentagon.



Enjoying my Feel-Good-Crap© to... Alcohol - Barenaked Ladies

Tabloid Tackiness

Note that i normally (as opposed to abnormally?) tend to exaggerate matters in the name of tabloid tackiness. A good thing though, besides the shameless self-glorification, is that tabloids are the new in-thing now as quoted by Today (coincidentally a tabloid) leh! For me though, everything is true, its just that magnitudes have been changed to protect my life (or lack thereof's) non-privacy.

Vball training today was wearying. It typically starts off with me arriving a self-proclaimed 'glamourously late', but then realising that there is virtually NO ONE else present. This leaves just me with one or two others to go and erect the phallic poles. This is no mean feat, it involves much grunting and groaning when trying to stuff the extremely taut poles into that fantastically small and tight hole...

Right after the net is agonisingly set up, the others start trickling in sluggishly (as if the connotations of 'trickling' didn't represent slow already...). This is YOU, Chongyi. Stupid slacker, always making a grand entrance that fails to entrance.

Anyway, our coach Marvin (tall, lanky, froggish, DAMN cheena) was initially training us on spiking techniques and practice when the heavens started releasing their pent-up frustrations on the rest of us, giving us our OWN pent-up frustrations. The advent of this stormy weather resulted in the day's programme being forcefully shifted in the direction of, you guessed it, PT!

3x20 of sit-ups (front, sides), back-ups (?), inclined push-ups and whatever other ups you can think of (nothing sick again lah, although there WAS some man-on-man action here, literally). Then there was the 500 skipping skips, the jump-to-a-height-of-a-small-neanderthal 80 times, etc etc. Essentially another POWER-LEG©.

Finally, several circumstances involving a random coin game led to us wasting about 1 hour and Marvin treating us to bubble tea.

Speaking of Marvin, i just saw H2G2! Woot its mass ass lame lorz! Marvin (the paranoid android, not the reproach coach) ROCKS. My elderer sis had gotten sneak tickets for me and my other sis to watch since we were all obsessing over the book recently. We then went down to Cafe Cartel @ PS for dinner to which i discovered a new sauce combo thanks to pure serendipity. Its powdered CHEESE + CHILLI SAUCE + a bit of OLIVE OIL to blend. The result is a gorgeous dip that coupled with the soft bread there gives a spicy pizza-esque delight. *swoons*

---

Zen song count: 1374. Wowwee! Wowwee also at the fact that i use the exceedingly childish term of "wowwee' to describe my overwhelming emotions of awe and amazement.

---

Right now, i'm just sitting in front of the comp, enjoying the dinner i had an hour ago, if you know what i mean. Deep in the recesses and crevices of my mind also linger the prevading topic of my SATs this saturday.

Like some sick mongoloid, i went and signed up for the SATs2 (ie the subject tests). These are the shindigs that one has to actually STUDY for. If anyone else is heading down the same path of self-destruction, tell me the combination you're doing! Mine's physics, chem and maths. WARGH! I must be possessed with such BOUNDING intelligence to go and sign up for the completely wrong ones...

I actually DID go and try out some of the online sample SAT subject tests, and found them suspiciously (read: tremendously) easy. WAK there's something very wrong going on here, that or there's something very right ;D

Finally, i'd like to apologise to my father on behalf of his kids. We're all so busy and everything that we just can't make the time for him and his interests (read: freakishly peevish eccentricities). Also, he's going through some emotional turbulence now and all that... Hmm, guess i shouldn't have dubbed his ogrely habits as such then. Nor him an ogre. Ok nvm i'm just making matters worse :P



Chewing on regurgitation to... When You Dream - Barenaked Ladies