Week de la Weakening

It's always surprising to see what keywords some rather wretched souls searched to find my blog:

• young horning pervs (Google)
• google sat fofos (Google)
• Love is in the Heir (Yahoo)
• cosfest 2005 (Google)
• Architectual Digest, 2005 Architects houses (Yahoo)
• slave scrotum infusion pics (Google)
• dwayne blogging hunk blogger sg (Google)
• heffalump - we stand shoulder to shoulder lyrics (Google)
• biopolis caucasians (Google)

I will never cease being amused.

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Other than that, this week has by far been the most exhaustingly packed in my entire JC life (read: life).

It starts with last Saturday's frenzied rush for Subway, followed by 4 hours of intensive karaoking and 'squashminton'ing at the ENV building's recreational centre. Squashminton being the game the EFers so ingeniously invented after realising that the badminton court was fully booked (by cretinous carrions, no doubt) and that the only space they permitted us were the squash courts. The game involves us trying to keep a lone shuttlecock erect in the air by whacking it sequentially above the squash out lines. Ah you'll have to play it to understand its uber pwningness.

After this, Linus (who's a recently discovered good singer, btw) followed me back home and we awaited our ride down to RTC for dinner and nighttime tennis. Dinner was a buffet that became scrumptuous only after exhausting our stomach capacities on crappy food served earlier (its a constantly refreshing buffet. Refresh as in F5, not H2O). TENNIS ROCKS! Of course, i'm too unskillful to judge the game in any possible way. The rest of the night was then wasted away DotAing.

Even though Church began late on Sunday, i can safely vouch for us EFers getting insufficient beauty sleep (which may explain alot). After yet another uneventful service ended (considering the eventful ones involve us insulting people, which may not be very 'eventful' for others...), the whole adult church gang came over and cleansed the house, prompting my proposed game of "Idol Busters".

Tuesday saw us bidding farewell to our cycloptically-challenged B.Ology teacher. Haha just jesting. He rocks! To Mr Chan Ter Yue, we will never forget you and the amusing anecdotes accounted. We will dearly hold the helpful hints on homologues and histones. Good luck in you future overseas endeavours!

Heck, we even sprang him a cake and a some balloons. He's got to see it to believe it.

After one of my most intensive weights trainings, I promptly collapsed onto a canteen bench to chat with Jen for an hour or so. Before this, our friendship seemed strained. I was irritated at him, and him at me in some vicious circular motion (tut: done). I also took the now-acclaimed (not in a good way) self-pornophoto and pasted it on my blog in a testosterone high.

Wednesday, the official day of the Handsome Threesome. It was the day when Rilong, Congren and I formed the Triumvirate's Cessation of Hostilities (TCH), a pact whereby we were not allowed to suan each other unless absolutely irresistible. In doing so, we forged a strong blade of friendship, imbued with the magicks of trust and fortitude (read: we're busty bosom buddies). Who says sitting around in S-11 gossipping doesn't reap any good?

Then, it was back to ENV once again for my dastardly PW interviews. Not that the interviewees weren't nice, but that the interviewer was a horrible malingering miscreant. Feeling headachy from all the DotA, i proceeded to pon the rest of training and go home to... you guessed it, DotA.

Thursday was the day of stupidity. Rilong ,and in a small part me, went and scoured Haoyi's bag for some incriminating love letters. Rilong, being one of the freaks of nature with an intact conscience, went and TOLD him of his misdeed, and succeeded in getting the normally-gregarious Haoyi pissed with us both.

Stupid factor number 2 was us buying Jen a Sex Games mini-tome for his farewell prezzie. No need for elaboration here. Besides so much blowing (cash on Missy E's new LP lah) and sucking (at DotA lah), I even had to take the bus home lugging so many goodies for the farewell class party.

Friday had us ponning Chinese to watch...

*cue dramatic music meant to inspire grandeur*

STEALTH!

Its so plane and boring.
It sucked bad. Please do not make the same mistake.

Finally, today was fruitfully spent detoxing with Chem SPA notes and DotAing-till-it-was-so-damned-late-I-had-to-take-$9-cab-ride-to-J8. There, the Handsome Threesome caught The (loophole-filled) Island. What's up with the clones going 'OMG!' when one of them was asking what 'God' was earlier...

To top off my week of splendid ignition (read: burnout), we went RUNNING with Dr William Tan! This was in accordance to his Guiness World Record-breaking attempt to wheelchair race 450 rounds around the track in 24 hours. Nonetheless, we completed 18 rounds on the 4th lane in 40 minutes, but compared to the good doctor's feat, was PEANUTS! And M&M ones at that (a jumbo pack of which the glutton i am finished during the movie).

SO FRICKIN TIRED NOW! Just finished a whole litre carton of freeloaded soya bean milk, and am about to embark on yet another DotA round...

Watch out for me in the news next week as i spontaneously combust due to burnout...



Shaking my cramped ass to... Mommy - Missy Elliott

A-DotA-ddiction

Defense of the Ancients:
A thoroughly mesmerising game.
Playing it shows i'm not prescient,
My lust for it is not tame.

I'm losing precious sleep,
I'm getting false adrenaline highs.
Falling into the Enigmatic Black Hole so deep,
To curb my addiction i can futilely try.

Like Tiny i've been stoning,
Like Riki i'm always Blinking.
With heroes i've been owning,
Going around Anti-Clinkzing.



It's harder to stay awake in school,
It's more tiring during trainings.
But Azwraith's so damned cool!
Hell, he's got all his clones feigning.
Really gotta get me one of those too.

Like Rotund i'm a Sadist,
Like Davion i've a righteous flame.
Soon i'll have to slice my wrists,
Especially if i don't win the next game!



For DotA i've an Insatiable Hunger,
For DotA i've all the Rage.
I can't wait any longer!
I need to choose the Anti-Mage...

I'm forsaking all my duties.
Playing in front of the comp under-dressed.
Not captivated by real-life beauty,
But instead by the Enchantress.



I need Power Treads for my 2.4,
A Soul Booster to cope with life.
Some Brilliance for daily academics,
Some Time Lapse to reverse all the strife.
I need... I need...

I need a life.

---

Losing sleep DOTAing to... We Run This - Missy Elliott

PWned

It's time i let you in on Project Work, endearingly dubbed 'PW' by JC1 students Singapore over. Only if 'endearingly' brought about connotations of immense hatred, unnecessary stress and total sianness. It is GRADED and forms an entire AO level paper in itself...

From the MOE's (Ministry of Exhortation, btw) website on PW:

"PW is a learning experience..."
Yep. This is where i've learnt how to

1. Waste my time as efficiently as possible
   
2. Jump innocent passers-by with pop surveys reminiscent of torture
3. Let the hours on the horologe tick by as professionals waste their time and effort in our never-ending interviews.

"...which aims to provide students with the opportunity to synthesise knowledge from various areas of learning,..."
Such as the Disciples of Plagiarism, Slacking Off 101 and the Fine Arts of Making-Your-Friend-Do-All-the-Work.

"... and critically and creatively apply it to real life situations."
Especially when you're dangling off the narrow precipice of a cliff, and there's a need to SPRING YOUR RESCUERS with a SURVEY on their health system.

"This process,..."
Of cruel and inhumane torture

"... which enhances students' knowledge..."
With its myriad choices of topics. Let's count: 1, 2... 2!! WOW there are 2 topics! That's one more than one!

"and enables them to acquire skills..."
ACQUIRE?? We have those skills forcefully imposed upon us like a rapist's erect sexual organ!

"... like collaboration, communication and independent learning,..."
As opposed to lieing, cheating and stealing, which would be so much better in the real world.

"... prepares them for lifelong learning and the challenges ahead."
Especially when the students are accustomed to the idea of having a fixed time schedule, teachers' assistance and guidelines for their projects. That will so benefit them when it comes to the rush-hour working life.

---

Have i told you how positively rocking my Project Work group is? Ok maybe not 'rocking', but 'stoning'. Wargh they're the biggest amalgamation of amorphous malingerers (read: fat slackers) in let's see, the KNOWN UNIVERSE! They either procrastinate and pretend, leave the country to defend or whose fellow volleyballers depend (on).

Haiz. Project Work is successful in some respect though. It's got me projecting blood all over the damned carpet.



Finished an interview, ALONE to... Automatic Stop - The Strokes

Feeling Unnaturally Sexy

BEHOLD THE BRAINCHILD OF 6 MONTHS OF BLOGGING!

*averts eyes to the somewhat bottom-right of the screen titled 'Blinking Blog Links'*

My mind is sooo sexy at times i wonder how i can cope with it all. Then, there's the bodily sexy, the spiritually sexy, the psychologically sexy...

*swoons at self*

*notes to self to stop using masses of '*' and self-praise*

---

Other than that random fandom, I accomplished some other (much less grand) events today as well.

GYM for 1.5 hours! AND i didn't slack, not one bit. Completed 12 different station things at 3x15 or 3x20 reps each, and even now, a mere 2 hours after the workout, i'm all achy breaky. Hunkiness has to be maintained, you know...

Speaking of hunkiness, my cousin, Daryl, has been highlighted in today's copy of Digital Life as a hunky blogger! WOO now there's someone in my immediate vicinity whom i can relate to... Not so much for the elite clique of beautiful bloggers we're forming, but for the absolute SHAME at the entire issue.

Also, i took some rather provocative pictures of myself to... To... Sigh i don't know on what random whim. Pictures like...

-Deleted in a Moment of Clarity-

Absolutely disgusting

... which hopefully you will never again see in your entire lives.

Hey, what do you want 'hunks' to post on their blogs? "URRH t0dAe i w3nT to lyK, e gYm den h@D sum f0oD wh1L3 w@1tIn6 4 suM h0t chYks. URRH den arh, den arh..."

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Finally, I can't believe no one has heard of One. Support this charity organisation please! Its not that its trendy, or gimmicky, or that famous celebrities endorse it. It's that it rocks! Everyone needs a new charity after that spastic NKF thing anyway...

Edit: Must be the testosterone high or just me turning into that i lift: the Dumbbell. I've hidden that pic somewhere in the site now... It was just too good a pic of me. Esp since i NEVER get any pics i can deem, as my old entry, 'Hunkiest'.



Chewing on orgasmic cashews to... Ben - Michael Jackson

Turning Saints Into the Sea

Jealousy can make people do the worst things. For instance, targeting sensitive issues and trying to use them against you. Just because i'm better than you now, Mr John Doe, doesn't mean that you can cowardly hide behind that facade of yours and diss my family. There is NO fluffy poem for you, NO tediously long nag pointing out where you've been wrong. There is only a big spatula of retribution awaiting your tender ass.

(For context, an anonymous person dredged up some painful history just to make me feel bad on my flooble chatterbox, already deleted).

I feel sorry for you. Having no values, no respect and empathy for others. These people induce great violent acts of retching in me, and i hope to be right above them when that toxic bile does come up.

---

Other than that minor response to hate-flooble, the day has been good!

Nubi pee'd on the carpet upstairs. Sigh stupid deprived dog. I can't really blame him since he's been cooped up ever since the bloody renovation of my sister's room began. In the end, i still rolled up a newspaper and attempted to 'forcefully educate' him in the proper mannerisms of a dog (not the crotch-sniffing. Definitely not the crotch-sniffing).

Don't worry lah, the SPCA need not be called. I was just whacking the wall and the floor to make the 'piaaack' sounds.

Also, i went and streamlined my blog today! I deleted 10 of the rather peripheral and out-of-point entries (such as this). Although some part of my mind argues that those are what makes my blog unique, the other parts are in the process of imprisoning that mindlet for gross misconduct and insanity.

Tomorrow: Chem test, volleyball PT, homework due.

BRING IT ON, BEEETCH!



Not giving that random commentor his satisfaction to... Cry Me a River - JT

Idol Busters

Praystation and Cross-box proudly present...


IDOL BUSTERS!
The religious world as you know it is being slowly corrupted by moral decay and decadence. Now, more than ever before, new religions and cults are sprouting up as fast as weeds, tainting the once-consecrated ground they infest. They MUST be stopped, and you, as a newly inducted holy man, must step forth into the corrupted world as first-person shooter to cleanse it of all evil!

Zeus must fall. Mormonism must be taught a lesson. Witchcraft must be dispelled. NOW!

• Play as 1 of 7 different heroes, including the Bible Quoter, the Holy Flamer and of course, the Sexy Christian
  
  Trinity on the left, Vanity on the right

• Wield all sorts of powerful spells prayers and inchantations! Douse mind-controlled zealots in Water-Most-Holy, while lesser deities such as Nephthys can be battered with Righteous Rage. If all else fails, there's always some military-grade C4 available for some "HOLY SHIT".
  
  Bye-ans Mayans!
  
• Fight a whole host of idols past, present and future! Ranging from the mediocre minions of Confucianism to the mighty American Idols: CLAY AIKEN and JUSTIN GUARRINO! Who doesn't want to kill/maim/decapitate them?
  
  Destroy Aiken and his 'Claymates', PLEASE!
  
  
• Enter a plethora of exotic scenarios! A dilapidated Chinatown under the reins of a malevolent Cai Shen Yeh; The crowded subway system of AUM-controlled Tokyo; The dense jungles of the Amazon (both geographical and web-based)!
• Destroy or repossess various articles of magical significance! Create pornfires large enough to attract Eros-worshippers! Or just keep that porn for your *ahem* personal research.

Available at stores not otherwise infested by altars, joss sticks or rock music.

System Requirements: A blessed house, 120% fanaticism, a closed mindset, porn-free CPU, Windows-to-your-Soul XP.

---

Disclaimer: This is a satire and is not meant to upset anyone of any obsolete and evil religion. Haha this was inspired my the 'house cleansing' that was done today post-baptism, where a group of church friends went about praying and consecrating the place up.



Buying my copy of Idol Busters to... Church - Big Boi

What a Good Idea...

Linus just suggested that if i had nothing to say, i should skip making an entry for that day...

How true. I shall start sometime soon. Please remind me.



Recovering from a karaoke-induced sore throat to... Fire Fire - M.I.A.

Mr Nice Guy

Wah... Xiaxue got her blog deleted after pissing off some bored hacker person. How could this be? Wasn't she so very tact, so very reserved, so very incapable of forumating a cohesive insult out of the goodness of her heart?

Out of foolish Singaporean kiasee-ness to only avoid the danger AFTER its occurred, i shall be extremely nice to everyone today:

To the geeky TROGLODYTES (read: Smeagol) at the Physics Olympiad 'training', I LOVE YOU! Even though most of you look either deathly white, deathly ugly or deathly cheena, you're still OK in my book! I mean, i myself bothered to go down for half an hour to hear that exceptionally captivating lecturer drone display his pertinent thoughts on... you guessed it, CALCULUS! Integration and differentiation couldn't have been more interesting with a group of cave-dwelling hermits buried 6 feet under in physics notes. WOO you guys even printed the notes prior the lecture from the school's physics website! *clap clap clap*

To the 4 hour long session of volleyball today (and many more in near future), the jelly-like legs you're giving me to enjoy over the weekend is absolutely superb! Also, thanks to the coach, Marvin, for noticing me in the newspapers! All that suanning will only make me stronger, right? Especially since i'm practically dead from it...

To my GP teacher who refused to disclose our GP common test results, YOU ROCK! Thanks for letting the ideas of our imminent failure swirl around in our heads for one entire weekend more! Thanks for being one of the only teachers who have had the utmost consideration in letting us enjoy the weekend with the looming prospect of doom!

To my new (excessively)-credentialed computer! This power-packed beauty has everything i ever wanted, except all my OLD THINGS from my old computer! Its only fair that all 41616GB of crucial info remains in the other CPU, which is idly lying next to New Highness here.

And finally, to thoughtful and considerate ol' me! Don't I just make everybody feel so energised? I mean, don't you feel like punching someone who looks remarkably like that guy in that photo top right now?



Praising the world to... The Music Still on My Other Com - The Other Com

Swing Good Times

Behold the finest producer of whines, DW!

He only uses premium grapes of wrath, raging red and jealous green whenever appropriate. The fermentation process is remarkably quick, with him jumping to the wrong conclusions as if on a tramp(oline). The resulting whine is bittersweet, with a sour overbite masking its deceptively undeceptive appearance.

The whines are best left unaged, where they still possess their tangy spark. Be warned though, they ARE seasonal and their toxicity has made it prone to recall from time to time.

An instance is now, where i have to PROFUSELY APOLOGISE to SCARLETT! Oh my gawd i so couldn't have been more wrong in my like, entire life, ya know? Anyway, you rocks! Your blog is comprehensive and (very) well-made. Count me a regular now!

Ok, so i didn't really mind that title. Big deal :P I was just in this irritable state of flux yesterday, and was being somewhat bastardy.

I have this theory that people have different rates and magnitudes of their 'exmosions' (very wittily compressed from 'emotional explosion' e.E). These are the boiling points in people's lives whereby the stress from day-to-day living accumulates to a level such that a sudden release is in store. It is the 'bad day' everyone so frequently complains about.

People who can better shoulder stress, can let it diffuse out slowly and who manage their emotions better have a lower frequency and intensity of these, while those used to being pampered are seen as volatile and moodswing-some.

I belong more on the side of the former group. I'm generally aloof, don't attract much attention (till recently), have a blog to properly vent my frustrations (until recently :P) and have a rather hardened heart from all the emotional shit been through.

Meh. Its better to know what you're dealing with than to go in alone and caught unawares.

---

On a lighter note, i finished Harry Potter! As a friend pointed out, JKR used 'surreptitiously' 5 times in the book. Besides the occasional mis-vocab, it ROX! Comparable to 4 in my opinion. Of course, there ARE the detractors whom i can never persuade to follow the book. I just can't help that i've grown up with it. Harry's friends are my friends. Harry's world is my world. Ok that just bordered on loser-ness.

DUMBLEDORE DIED!

*spoiler alert*

Oops. The warning may have been much better up top. Anyway, it was so expected that he would, what with Harry continuously remarking how 'old' and 'fragile' he looked over the past books...

---

Finally, my social life is being RUINED by my internet connection. Ever since USL came down to fix up a new router, the connection has been wildly erratic and any attempts to stay on MSN and converse for longer than 10 minutes has been feeble, at best.

Don't think i'm being one of those attention whores that bo liao sign in sign out to make others read the MSN nick. DON'T. YOU. DARE.

Thanks to the 2 misfortunes of being *shudder* Hunkiest and now having a crappy wireless connection, i've been granted a new computer by the sappypappy (read: my grossgusting father).

Its "Pentium 4, 3 GHz, 1 GB RAM, 128 MB, Radeon Graphics Card, 120GB SATA harddisk, DVD writer drive". Although i don't know half of what that was (nor i suspect, you), i holler a resounding "WOOT!"



Bouncing off the mood swing to... Smile - Vitamin C

Haters

Well.

OMG i'm so garnering hate blogs and entries.

This is 'DAMN GROSS' as i would mouth with deep intonation in real-life.

I mean, who the heck in the world likes to be hated? I didn't know (in)famy would lead to these disastrous consequences. I thought that my unjustly and unknowingly being given that earsore of a title was punishment enough, but NOOO.

Besides the many people in school gratuitously suanning me, laughing AT me, suanning me, making the physics lecturer ask me to swing a water-filled bucket on stage (oh and did i mention, suanning me?), there are numerous other online personalities just sowing seeds of discord, anger and frustration.

FOR NO APPARENT REASON!

There's Scarlett-T, whom i thought seemed genuinely nice and was actually worth starting some bloggy friendship with. Then there's the purely unprovoked fellow RJC bloggress, whom i haven't even heard of. Finally, there's that weirdly deprived Anonymous person whom i will never seem rid of. Yes, that one that asks for gay phone sex while quoting the bible O.o

I mean, ugly? I can face that (literally). Bad hair? That's just temporal, and what the heck can one do with 2 conflicting whorls each trying to make their presence felt on my head?

Being himbotic? Sucky attitude? Not possessing tact? Dissing Bentay? Now where did THESE come in?

If you're referring to the high-and-mighty tone i adopt for my blog, its because well, I AM! Ok wrong time to crack jokes about high-and-mightiness. The tone i use is essentially that of a bitter cynic. An innocent soul corrupted by the complexities of life and turned sarcastic. A felicitous and amused person with a blog to vent creative frustration and vocabulary.

I hate the unnecessary fame and attention. At first, it was interesting to be noticed. However, when stream after stream of people come and say "WUH! YOU'RE NOT TANNED", it gets a tad irritating and effetively becomes an insult to the face.

Who really took 'Hunkiest' seriously? I kept the tone so bloody tongue-in-cheek that i've got God-knows how many ulcers already. Coupled with the extremely gross pictures meant to DISPROVE that ridiculous title. Really, can't an introverted exhibitionist have a break here?

Sigh. I'm still human you know. Its not like i'm deitified as some bronze statuette outside my house door, with the words "Unknown" engraved below. In Arial font. Bold please.

If you think you know me by reading my latest entries, please refresh your harddrive memory. Please read some other entries BEFORE i was thrust into whatever fading limelight.

People have different personas in the online community. I SWEAR i'm lots nicer outside the spotlight of the computer screen. I SWEAR whatever i did, it didn't mean to hurt/disappoint/infuriate.

Oh, and Bentay actually changed his blog name to reflect my random comment on him.

Edit: I've replaced the flooble chatterbox since people are too darned lazy to go and comment.

Re-EDIT: SORRRRRY SCARLETT! LETS MAKE UP PLS! OMG THIS ENTRY HAS NOW BECOME OBSOLETE. I. Feel. Like. Such. A. HIMBOh!



Feeling the adverse effects of fame to... Amazon - M.I.A.

The ANTi-Hero

Thankfully, the hype has somewhat worn off. There were only 11 individual recognitions, and several group ones that i didn't bother taking to heart.

2 were in the morning, 1 from my chem teacher, 3 during maths lecture, 2 during recess at RI and 3 when i was at the gym trying to ahem, maintain my hunkiness.

Of course, the highlight of the day was getting a certain someone's e-mail address ;)

---

After climbing through my fabled fence 'shortcut' that has truly provided me with many a short cut (and a tetanus jab), I reached the top of the wall where ants-a-flurry reside. This time however, Serendipity struck me with her long ugly stick (sigh that S&M fanatic), and i spotted a juicy snail residing in a corner.

Picking it up by its calcium carbonate armour, i observed its mouth and decided that it would be interesting to see if i could forcibly impose an ant into its diet.

I then started pressing the soft side (read: squishing with immense force) onto ants that strayed too far from the colony. The result? The bloody snail recoiled back into its protection with a lone ant in tow, leaving a hard membrane covering the mouth.

Sigh. What was there to do but wait for the snail to make its appearance again? I hence stood at that ulu corner, after gym, in my PE attire, carrying my Harry-Potter-laden bag. FOR 10 MINUTES!

Stupid snail. It was thus decreed by the Determiner of Its Fate (me lah) that it should die.


You could say it was sNAILED.
Feeling rather delighted at my (mis)deed, i then jovially strolled home to see an overly-excited Nubi chained to the badminton post. I freed him, of course, and he zoomed so fast by my legs that i TRIPPED AND SCRAPED MY KNEE.

Omg talk about my karma running over your dogma...


Still having the cheek to eat rambutans

---

Anyway, as i promised a VERY avid fan:

GLORIOUS PHONE SEX


Mandatory S-shaped blanket to cover woman's boobs while showing man's torso provided!


6230i, you SLUT!

---

Breaking my promise by photo-blogging to... Hombre - M.I.A.

Red (Hot) Alert 2: Aftermath

I thought yesterday was bad. There was the flood of SMSes when i got home (yes, i forgot my phone on the day where it semi-counted), the raging tempest of conversation windows in MSN and the awkward recognition by Subway counteress. At night, the whole group of EFers changed their MSN display names to reflect things along the lines of 'I KNOW SINGAPORE'S HUNKIEST BLOGGER'.

Uggh.

Yet, there was to be another hurdle in a line of many. Being the geniuses they are, the authors at the Straits Times conveniently went and put the name of RJC in bold next to that photoshopped abomination of me. This was an invite, complete with R.S.V.P., for tons of regaling and teasing, stares and laughing (at, not with).

Yaaaaar! How the hell in the world did i, introvert extraordinaire, manage to get past this dreaded and wretched day in school?? Ok, maybe i'm not fit to be classified under 'extraordinaire', but nonetheless, i AM an attention whore who doesn't know what to do once i've wooed attention and had all her assets fully whored.

I went to school relatively unknown. Only the occasional friend came up and said 'Hey! Weren't you in the papers yesterday?' to which i grinned in sheepish consent. I started some small conversations and managed to tide the time until assembly started.

The class then began to beleaguer me, cracking jokes such as 'wah so hunky then can go and criticise xyxyxy already ah?'. It wasn't actually painful yet, but there was PE to dread. PE, the heavenly harbour of the hunk. Surely i would do something magnificently stupid, such as tripping over a millipede that i tried to stomp.

I breathed a sigh of relief as PE went by without a hitch. There was only Psycho Tan occasionally making some obscure and random reference to blogging, and me not being as dark as the photo ("It's the club lighting!!"). Touch rugby was fun and i even managed to score 2 tries alongside Rilong.

As recess ended, i was thinking that nobody important enough must have seen the article, and lulled myself into a false sense of security about the entire issue. We had 2 lectures in a row after recess. 2 extremely disastrous lectures.

WWAAAARGH! RILONG! JEN! HAOYI! OMG!

*straightens tie and neatens hair after that violent outburst*

It seemed that they had warmed up enough in their foolery and harlequinade, and i was providing the perfect test subject.

They very ceremoniously told the lecturer that "Singapore's Hunkiest Blogger" was sitting a mere two feet in front of them. The teachers then went and announced it to the ENTIRE lecture theatre of 400(?), after which my class broke into thunderous applause. I actually turned around and waved at the crowd, since my class of 3N was sitting right in front.

This. Happened. Twice.

After feeling rather betrayed and ravaged, i followed Jen down to the canteen to collect the pizzas for Bryan's birthday. BIG MISTAKE. Most people were already dismissed and in the canteen, queueing up and displaying all the qualities of mindless corporate drones. If there's one thing that will make people look at you, its if you're grossgustingly dubbed "Hunkiest Blogger". If there's another, its holding 2 large pizzas in your hand and rushing through the canteen peak hour.

1 + 1 in this case = 1000 stares. ARRRRGH Jen and I were practically sprinting back to the class, with me exclaiming how bloody embarrassing this was.

There was to be no reprieve in PW class, as the teacher, without prior pompous prompting, ARROWED me as i was walking in and said something about newspapers, to roaring agreement of the entire class.

The pouring rain was ominous, but NOT for my impending Chinese AO Listening. It was for the extremely painful time in the canteen where there were random groups of people staring/pointing at me. This was followed by the undeniable action of giggling and laughing (though i'm inclined to think it was the latter). On a good note, some people DID do nice stuff such as congratulating and whatnot...

In case you wondered, the Listening was lagi easy! I got exactly the same answers as half the class and well... its chinese, so i have a right to be unnaturally happy.

All in all, I can't help it if i'm uglier (read: significantly less tanned) in real life than in newspaper photos taken in shoddy lighting :P

Still, 293 + 715 individual IP address hits yesterday can't be too bad for the undercover attention seeker ;)

In case you didn't notice, the 'events' were made like the terrorism warning system and coded in terms of increasing intensity. Also, some of my MSN display pics may lead to chronic retching, so beware.



Chasin away the haters to... Bingo - M.I.A.

Hunkiest

The infamous article is here. My response?

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

OMG OMG OMG!

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

(Note: the above exclaimations are NOT done jovially)

I shall futily attempt to justify the extremely hunky heavy crown placed upon my head. A head that is on the contrary to 'hunks', full of synaptic brain matter and electrifying intelligence.

"Bloggers.SG" gives connotations enough of inbred and reclusive cave scum who haven't seen the light of day (or that of a club). Bloggers are generally introverted, socially inept people. What's more, if they happen to be Singaporean, they will also possess the characteristics and qualities of a smelly piece of jinchalok (read: only attractive to prawn stars).

It is hence not a very difficult task being given such a grotesque title as that. Pardon any innuendos, but i am NOT saying i'm some flaming hunk of beef. Can you not tell by my impeccable wielding of the English language? Can't you??? Damn.

The Straits Times has done it again. What began as an innocent interview about my innocence (or lack thereof) led to some government-conspired prominent figure profiling plan. Can't blame them though ;)

---

Please, define hunky:

Hunky? Nope.

Hmm... Still not quite...


AH PERFECTION!

---

The one to blame and flame is... DARYL HO. Who asked him to be so well-connected inside the journalism circles? Who asked him to have a relatively private blog (not now heh)? Who asked him to ask his friend to give me an interview?

Ah meh. I've always been waiting for a big blog break such as this. Hopefully, this will spurn more beautiful people to write blogs, since they would most probably be cursing "WHO IS THIS UGLY GUY TO BE NAMED HUNKIEST? I'M BETTER LOOKING THAN HIM!".

Hopefully, this will raise the eye-candy factor of Singaporean blogs ;). Right now, there's only Sandra's, Xiaxue's and mine...



Hunkying my hunky hunksome to... Never is Enough - Barenaked Ladies

Revelations

What i am about to say cannot be contained within mere words. It is too wondrous, too fantastic and too supernatural to describe with punitive vocabulary, a mere physical construct of Man. It is the process by which i believe, all humans attain varying degrees of knowledge.

It is the process of undergoing revelations. It is a phase whereby an individual suddenly realises a greater extent of his potential. It is a phase whereby everything suddenly becomes comparatively more basic because of one's expanding mindset.

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Ridiculously Out-of-Point Example:
Do you remember staring at your hands for a while, then suddenly getting hit with a tremendous sense of self? "Is this me?", "Who am I?", "I can control my fingers!". This is normally followed by a self-invoked sense of astonishment and grandeur, as one gains yet another sliver of self-awareness.

---

'Revelations' was the term i jokingly used interchangably with 'see the light' when it came to Maths in secondary 3. Ashish and I would frequently discuss whether we actually got what the abysmally crappy teacher taught (answer: no). When attempting the examples or questions, one of us would suddenly 'see the light' and realise exactly how to do it properly, and we would excitedely tell the other "Hey, i've got the revelation!'.

Now, these revelations have no biblical connotations, nor are they detrimental in any sense. They refer to the 'level' of mentality gained through pure serendipity or hard work. Comparable to any RPG, where the main character gains experience and 'levels up', the mind does the same, but with existing knowledge, and evolves into a better and more adapted state as to handle and process it.

Revelations may range from the miniscule mastery of a mathematical method, to the utmost understanding of the ultimate:

The small ones are like those you get after staring at a string of garbled equations, when everything suddenly dawns upon you and you just... understand the topic at hand.

Large ones involve the entire individual's mentality and equate to a huge increase in self-awareness. One suddenly realises the enormity of life, the insignificance of self and the unimportance of all things mortal. This will then grant whole new perspectives and a greater clarity than ever before, in matters ranging from academics to self-perception.

My further theory is that everyone will eventually reach the same 'level' of revelations attained. It just depends on the time taken and the experieces influencing the course of that individual's life.

Everybody (reading this blog, at least) would have definitely achieved the "3", the "6" and at least the "9" year old revelations. The "3" is when we suddenly realise we exist and memory spontaneously begins. The "5" and "9" are as greater emotions other than happiness and boredom course through our veins and make their presence felt.

With all revelations come an increased sense of self-awareness, conscience and peripheral mental functions such as memory, understanding and insight. The fact that it all seems to hit you in one blow gives it the apt term 'revelations' as opposed to simple "growing up".

*cue unnecessary boasting section*

I had one in Primary 4, and consequently topped the class. Another one eluded me up till Secondary 3, whereby before that i was being a bumbling fat idiot. At the end of Sec 3, i topped the level and that of various subjects without studying as hard as the previous year even...

The next few came in quick succession: 1 more mid-Sec 4 and yet another before the O' levels. I maintained my toppish-ness and wondered why all those around me found the syllabus so complex when all i saw was stuff in its elemental states. The last one i had (sec 4 endyear) was the one that led to this Revelation Theory, and that all ability to gather and utilise knowledge was increased in stages.

Hmm... I have this weird feeling that i'm experiencing revelations prematurely. All REVEL NOW!

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PS: If this article was difficult to digest, pardon me, but i'll need another revelation before i can properly encapsulate this in words. Watch this space as i attempt to clarify this...



Pondering over Harry Potter to... Bucky Done Gun - M.I.A

Harry Beyond Compare

The day whizzed by once again.

There was the volleyball phototaking (me ugly as usual), massive amounts of work being dumped on me for GP, massive amounts of work being dumped on me for PW... Sigh. I also got my Physics and Biology CTs back, and i won't display my results publicly lest i embarrass some people.

Volleyball got rained out and Marvin didn't come. Whew, wasn't quite recovered from Wednesday's PE (2.8km warm-up omfg) and volleyball. Spent quite a while after today's slack training philosophising and conjecturing hypotheses (read: gossipping) with Bentay and Kaishi alongside Jen.

This led to some rather perplexing topics:

1. What does the attention whore who can't handle attention do?
2. Can a jock be smart?
3. Is cliquish inventing your own language?
4. Does Bentay have a grossness aura? Or does he?
   

Well, some of these cannot be answered resoundingly, and will have to be thought over very thoroughly. Not Qn 4 btw, that one's devastatingly simple.

I nicknamed Nubi 'Mudfoot' in commemoration of the impending Harry Potter release! The real reason for this was him sleeping in the mud and having lots of gong nee on his elbow equivalents.

HARRY POTTER @ 7am tomorrow (7:01 am, to be precise, for the uber fans)! My family is collecting books on behalf of several friends, and we (my sisters and i) will hence have no shortage of books to devour. Our goal: Read from 7:00 am straight all the way till around 10:00pm, where hopefully, we would have completed the entire grimoire. The plan after that is to giggle and swoon like fanboys over JK Rowling's magnificence.

Sometime in the middle of all that, i have to muster enough time (and courage) to attend to Bloggers.SG meeting tomorrow. Its this conglomeration of Singaporean bloggers at the DXO club. Hey hey, its a good idea to eliminate all us idealists at once to rid Singapore of our overly-fantastic ideals. Shit, i was too idealistic when i said that.

Anyway, tomorrow spells good fun! Also, since Hotmail is cramping up on me by going into its violent convulsions and dilations, all my work is delegated to Sunday. After church. After cell. After lunch. After 6 hours of DotA.

OMG! !Xobile!



Gulping Metamucil to... Away From the Sun - 3 Doors Down

Cholesterol

Inherent in one's genes,
Abhorrent in health screens,
Deterrent to anti-greens.
No more California handrolls
Thanks to that chemical so mean,
Cholesterol

Dependent on one's parents.
Not meant to be a detriment,
Not meant to cause devastation.
Sleeping on its job regulating membrane fluidity tolls,
That dastardly watchguard,
Cholesterol

helLDwelLer's the undesirable,
Superpower: Hyper-clogging.
Tri-Guy's the peripheral,
Superpower: Hyper-hogging.
A villainous team formed,
Their job: Blood vessels to deform

HeroDL's the commendable,
A vigilante very vulnerable.
Attempts to stop congestion
During peak hour digestion.

A wretched war is fought,
Suffering upon the lands is wrought.
To enjoy junk-food and aid the strife?
Or invest healthily for the rest of life?

Punnet squares, Chi squares
Have confirmed my impair(ment).
All have advised 'to be awares'.
Not a particular cause for euphoria
And already adversely affecting academia,
Hypercholesterolemia

---

Well, my cholesterol is back at borderline high. Stupid hypercholeterolemia. Sigh. Why'd i have to fit so nicely into these genes my parents left for me?



Radically altering my diet AGAIN, to... Reach - Gloria Estefan

I Tooth, You Tooth, BlueTooth?

Nubaby, complete with niao bu.

---

Photo courtesy of Dwayne's handphone. Yes, you heard it right, DWAYNE's HANDPHONE! I finally got the bluetooth ISB adapter device that enables the blue-teethed devices affordable only to the blue-blooded to connect and trade information.

It's the size of a pinkie finger, and yet encompasses such a wide range of functions (no compasses though, but i'm sure that can be installed by those dang Japanese techno-hermits). For one, i can get Bluetooth Audio Speakers and actually link them to the computer to in place of the computer's normal sound systems! Since the range of Bluetooth is rather far, i'll be able to exert my dominion on the lesser beings inhabiting this household.

*Cue malefic cackling. Oh wait, being the poor slob you are, you don't have Bluetooth speakers with you over there to pick up the sound clip*

The transfer rate is also rather speedy for a wireless connection (o.O oxymoron), and my files were out and into my computer with as much Jiff detergent as humanely possible. Expect more pwning pictures of perplexing processes, more villainous videos of virile voluptitude and a new era of Blogging: PHOTO BLOGGING!

Haha just joking. You may discount the latter part of the last sentence for i will not resort to shameless Photo-Blogging (yet). Its gross, cheap and there's practically no work involved in its creative creation. Also, there's the fact that you all would miss out on my very sensuous style of writing with all those thousand-word-speakers running amok.

Anyway, to tide you over, here's a random photo:


Trust me, that coin IS microscopic

Other than that, i went to this All-You-Can-Eat Sambal Steamboat place for dinner last night with Jeremy, his 2 friends, my family and my big pimpin father's bud Gail. Once again, the voluminous caverns of my stomach were completely pumped with precious stash. Once again.

Ewww, gonna get FAT. Within the last week, i've had 2 Marche's, 1 Seoul Garden buffet, 1 grossgusting hawker center Fish & Chips (I KNOW! How stupid!) and 3 Subway footlongs... Ok, the last one was just for effect, but the others have made me feel like a grossly gross grosslet. Uggh. Just because i took the blood test for my cholesterol levels last week, just because i have the results coming back tomorrow... Shit, i better not revert to my hypercholesterema.

As a memorabilia of my current (sexy) state, i have a randomly shameless display pic on MSN that i will explain to you when it DOES get on. It's just for the sake of memory, i'm not narcissistic or anything (more like sadistic to subject you to such a torturous picture though).

After that, we went down to this Boardgames Cafe which was actually quite good. the 7 of us youngsters played a very long game of Apples to Apples, to which i absolutely rocked at. Of course, there's the small problem of this Indian guy drawing at 4 Green Apples with me, but what the heck.

In case you were wondering the randomness of the first picture, Nubi ROCKS! I got fofos of you kids still growink, so Peace Out!



Blue Blue Bluetoothing to... Do the Bart-man - Bart Simpson

The Big 3.5k

Woo! My blog has reached 3500 independent IP addresses since the 17th of Feb! My counter refreshes its count at around 1pm everyday. Its not like those cheapo blog counters that merely count by pageviews, as opposed to only counting specific IP addresses. To check if your blog has a hit counter akin to that crap, just refresh (F5) the page and watch if the counter value actually increases.

Heh, i'm just peeved that other people's counters appear more... numerous by virtue of some lifeless hack sitting in front of the computer and F5-ing for kicks. Try Blogpatrol, its da bomb.

---

Other than that, here's a MASSIVE and speedy recap of the past 4 busy (read: partying) days.

Saturday: Met up with Nick for Subway + stayover + some grilled fish, but not before spending a whopping 1.5 hours composing a song for RGP's band, Postponed (name subject to change cause its rather gross and uncreative). The lyrics were written to pre-made instrumentals which made it that much harder and random. Anyway, this marks the 3rd song written for them, one of which they'll be performing at some school-based NDP celebrations! Woot! Let them solve the problem of a female lead singer... I'm not writing any songs about guys here.

The rest of the day was spent DotAing and accumulating presents for Jeremy Auw.

Sunday: We were abysmally late for church as temptation lured us to sleep at 3am. I then proceeded to sporadically fall into deep desecrated sleep during Pastor Daniel's stirring sermon. Sigh, what a waste. From what i could piece together, it was quite the darned good especially since more than 60% of the people actually stood up at the end of the sermon when he was asking us to recommit ourselves to God. With other pastors, a mere 3 or 4 people would do this. Pastor Daniel's swan song will always be remembered, and i hope he's happy at the new church he's posted to.

Church was followed by yet another Subway lunch, making the total footlong sub count for the past week 3. OMG. !Xobile! This is confirm the most subway i've eaten in awhile, and will have to let my stomach and taste buds recuperate from all that sensuous, orgasmic and phallic pleasure.

My father then brought my grandmother and I down to Downtown East to see my sis and her friends in their own rendition of COSFEST 2005. They were in some weird, white robes with special 'dos and chinese numbers on their backs. This cosplay was by far the most crowded i've seen in ages, with the quality of the costumes also being the best.

Finally, i headed back down to Orchard for Ashish' birthday/4.10 gathering. I have but 3 words to say: FOUR TEN ROCKS! Oh but then we had Marche again, which was quite sickeningly gross. Its good to know that past friendships haven't died out as speculated: Cheng Wei (damn this one should have been extinguished long ago), Ernest, Samuel, Vik, Ashish, Leo, etc. There WAS a reason why we were the most famous class in ACSI!

Monday: Since this is getting rather tedious, i'll sum in up short and won't digress into my usual patterns of convoluted sentences with overly exaggerated phrases, totally grandiose vocabulary and utterly inappropriate idioms.

Riite.

We got back our Maths and Chem CTs, which thankfully, i got A for. I was like, OMFG 'A' for chem?? Woowoo! I thought i would really flunk these two bad as i lay down all my books after the Bio paper and even went for midnight/twilight DotAing... Pride comes before a fall, i guess, as i was still stuck with a measly 70.7% for chem, my worst worst worst ever. I will learn. I will master. I will CONQUER!!

A celebratory dinner was in store and the class went down to Seoul Garden, Taka, for a scrumptious buffet lasting from 6:30 to 9:45 pm. Pardon my rapidly expanding cheeks, but i'll say that my cooking was rather superb. Garlic + Chilli + a dash of soya for blending, coupled with onions, peppers and mushrooms. And this was only for the seasoning. Stacks and chunks of Bulgogi beef and Garlic chicken were sizzled salaciously on top, then further sizzled inside the mouths of all at my table.

As is with buffets, i over ate. Gross, oily/greasy/slick/mucky beef going down one's throat is NOT good for hypercholesterema (ooh!, we studied this in bio). I rushed home, bathed, and watched the season finale of Despo Hwives (Bree almost made my cry!) and then capitulated to the demands of the Sand Man.

Finally, Today was so damned slack. Civics = slack. GP in comp lab = slack. Chinese = slack. Bio prac free period = slack. The final summation: SUPER SLACK //proven

After school, i went to shop for the rest of Auw's care package. Now, i'm about to head out for Jeremy Nunn's farewell dinner.

GJ reading this far. Omg i had no time for the humour of this entry even.



Tapping my fingers to... Grumbling - My Pissed Sisters Waiting in the Car

Pry the Pish

Nick and I, much like Baldrick of Black Adder fame, devised a cunning plan. This, on the other hand, did not involve us wearing a coat of meat sauce to prevent germs from infecting us.

It involved the sexy harnessing of the Earth's ionic energy to obliterate lesser lifeforms. It involved electrolysis. It involved pumping carcinogenic electrons and ions through weak and fragile cellular components. It involve masses of fun!

Bored while waiting for fellow DotAers to return online and wanting to rest our eyes, we decided to do something productive (hmm, more like its acronym) and outdoor-sy instead. We fished around the house for some AA batteries and Blu Tack. The batteries were held in place by the latter to ensure that they made ends meet. This prevented overcharging and saved some current-cy. It however, did not prevent a surge of lameness back there.

The organism in question: FISHES

A lone guppy, to be precise. We left it inside a plastic tupperware filled with scummy pondwater, hoping for it to be done in by its own polar droppings.

Our wires were fashioned from primitive clothes hangers cut and unwound. We held them in place, and awaited some spectacular sparks.

Instead, the fish lay swimming jovially. This was when we decided to increase the ionic gradient by pumping sodium and chloride ions into the solution.

WOO! Bubbles formed at the cathode, indicating the formation of hydrogen gas and hence the safe passage of electricity. The fish responded with a series of spasmic jolts and twitches, especially when we removed one electrode and suddenly placed it back in. This led me to theorise that the fish is more affected by the rate of change of current than by the actual current itself.

Petey Pablo's "Vibrate" was aptly booming in the background as we forced the fish to "make that ass vibrate".

We experimented with many modifications such as changing to the tua kee batteries, which resulted in the fish bobbing over to its side. Unfortunately, we never DID get it purely upside down/killed, and had to resort to end its suffering via microwave.

Now, if you haven't microwaved a critter in solution before, i strongly suggest that you DO IT NOW! It rocks omfg. The above-mentioned critter will explode from the buildup of internal energy and will splatter all over the place! Quite a neat party trick for Radioactive Man, there.

Unfortunately once again, methinks we chose a non-microwaveable saucepan, which only resulted the water fast-boiling. Sigh, no dynamite fishing here, just fish soup.

All in all, it was fun (albeit time-consuming) though. The rest of the day was also spent in slack satisfaction, with a sexy Subway and 2 hours straight of side-splitting Invader Zim. Also, i've started collecting items for Jeremy's care package, and it should be ready to send by somtime next week (SORRY!)

Crap, now i'm feeling down in the dumps with nothing to do but rummage. Not to look like a fish out of water here, but can i fish for compliments? I'll bait you all by saying i'm not (insert adjective here, positive lah) enough. That should get it hook, line and sinker ;)



Realising 'DotA' is an anagram of 'Toad' to... Wherever You Will Go - The Calling

Ego Yokes, High Cholesterol Part 3

Its back, its bolder, and its BLACKER! Part 3 in an ongoing series chronicling and explaining the sheer complexity that is the Yoke of the Day. The Yokes are but a tiny snippet of the bounding creativity (read: randomness) prancing around Dwayne's mind in miniskirts. The creativity, not Dwayne's mind.

This session ranges from late march to approximately early May. Have fun trying to find some relation between the entry of the day and its corresponding Yoke (<--- that was my sorry excuse for not actually dating the Yokes...)

---

• Creative juices forced out of all orifices... (My Zen Tua Kee died. I was distraught. Could there be any worse Yoke??? Stop laughing. Old Zen, i mourn for you)
  
• New magazines 'Entertain Me Weakly' (Dozing off once too many while reading Blender and Discover, my normally fav mags)
  
• One day, Buddha walked into a pizza shop and said
  "Make me one with everything." (one of Congren's better jokes. No one really gets this at first, but it rocks!)
  
• Shit happens
  Weight lessens (Diarrhoea. HAHAHA. Diarrhoea. HAHAHA. Nothing cracks up an audience more than shitty jokes)
  
• Once you've played with other people, you wouldn't want to go back to playing with yourself. (A very crude reference to... ONLINE GAMING! Nothing sick, you pervy closet pornkings)
  
• Tickle-Me Emo. (The new toy from Hasbeen. Chokes/Cries/Sobs out a plethora of cool and potentially unnerving phrases when you pull its noose string!)
  
• These girls too purty
  To get down to the nitty titty,
  I mean the nitty gritty,
  I mean her titty pretty
  (WAHA this line in Brooke Valentine's Girl Fight made me love the song and hence propagate it to the world before its release)
  
• The lightbulb must want to change itself. (punchline for 'How many psychologists are required to change a lightbulb?')
  
• An apple a day makes the fat all stay (OMG i had just completed my puzzle apple, only to find it missing a crucial piece. In doing so, i slept at 2:30 am on that school night)
  
• Fine, be that way. (Tio bah drinking bubble tea in MRT station. Slapped with an immaterial bill for $500 [aka a false, trauma-inducing threat]. OMG 'Material Girl just started playing on my Zen TK)
  
• Please do not mistake my anal retentiveness for actual affection. (Despo Hwives >>> you niggins. Bree >>> u niggins)
  
• The wider you cast your net, the larger the holes to slip through. (Woo words from the wise. My quote, by the way. I was referring to girls once again while trying to console some bereaved soul)
  
• Selective omissions make (Don't me don't get this?)
  
• Stealing the wrong type of hearts. (Woowoo discovered a rather purplish secret about someone today. Stupid Bentay, you ARE a good friend siah)
  
• pV=nRT does not apply to ass flatulence. (Ideal Gas Law!! Chem rocks, even though it'll pwn me in the CTs. That statement is actually rather true since flatulence has some of its energy converted into sound energy and... You get the [excretory] drift)
  
• CDC-certified Quarantine Zone: All Gossipleptics to remain on site. (Heh gossipleptics. Something else along the line of Typohoid now siah... Refer to Sat, April 12th)
  
• Immaterial, immaterial girl (Complaining to Max on how unfulfilling her life is. Wahey, 'Material Girl' was playing then and just ended now. Oh and 'immaterial' was a cool word i came across on the short-lived revival of the Dictionary Project)
  
• High on ass crack. (Don't blame me, i was high when writing this)
  
• Flog Blogger (Bloody %$&#^ hung on me during a roll of an entry)
  
• The Life of PI (Project Work and its intricacies haunt me as we Singaporeans furiously draft out our PIs, or Preliminary Ideas)
  
• ACBCEFG... (The first 4 letters spell out WHOSE nickname?)
  
• Aay boy, wanna go toilet shiok shiok? (Haha Linus recounts his friend's experience with a gay lecherous construction worker at midnight in an ulu train station... Ok too much info there)
  
• Confucius says: You go to jail, bad boi! (Woo! Russell Peters before he became famous and mainstream! Thx Daryl!)
  
• i'm probably writhing in bed trying to sleep. try me when i'm not away. (jeremy's very gross MSN 'away' auto-message. It has left a mental imprint too scarring to describe)
  
• I HAD a yoke of the day.
  Just keep on bloody forgetting.
  Neither a joke nor a fray.
  A memo i must be getting
  (woowoo poetry plus pls. Its self-explanatory, FYI.)
  
• Dieting is the slacker's way of losing weight (It MAKES SENSE... REALLY!)
  
• What do philantrophists call 'water'?
  The Solvation Army (Spur hur... Chemical Energetics was the topic being taught.)
  
• What do doctors call 'kissing'?
  Liposuction (Spur hur part 2... Blame this on my lameness)

---

John Lennon has his Yoko Ono, I have my Yoke-o, Day-old.



Frying some Yokes to... My Nutmeg Phantasy - Macy Gray

Dinner With Mistress Life While Attached to Science

Well, the past two days at IMCB have been a rather eye-opening experience.

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ERROR: CONTENT DELETED BY ADMINISTRATOR. ISSUES DISCUSSED WERE SENSITIVE TO SINGAPORE'S SECURITY PENDING THE 7/7 7 Britain Bombings.

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Yep, that's about it. I realise that i've spent the past 38 minutes typing out this extremely detailed and meticulous entry so far. Let's just hope Ka Yee, Priya, Edison, Shi Qi, Nathania, Jacinth, Yvonne and Bing Shao (yes, even Mr Tau kiah) read this to make it of some relevance.

Other than that, i went to Marche for Jen's surprise party earlier! The main reason i abstained from blogging well, for one day yesterday, was that i was afraid of spilling the cats and letting the beans out of the bag. I was in charge of getting his closer OG and CCA (vball) mates down. With power and responsibility coursing through my veins, i invited Ernest as well.

In case you are wondering, Ernest IS the greedy/lanky/skanky bastarded bastard who i count as one of my closest friends. He and Jen have been inseparable since primary school, which makes the three of us a rarity (one of my best friends in secondary school was Jen's best friend in primary school, and now we're quasi-best friends).

While talking and reminiscing, i was reminded of Jeremy many times and how we three (Ern, Jem, Me) used to go around crapping all over the place. Not literally, with the exception of Ernest spreading his flatulence. Sigh the innocent days of secondary school yore.

Once again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEN! Hope you enjoy that novelty dustbin from me and Eugene Ernest!

Oh, and tomorrow's the last day of the IMCB thingum! Its so uber sianz lor, save the occasional prank/experiment/potentially-disfiguring-mishap.



Trying to organise a class buffet to... Black Jack - Mos Def

Massacre of the Maniacal Mozzies

Putrid fumes wafted past their scummy breeding grounds. The winged beasts sniffed at it warily and immediately came to a conclusion: Stay and be terminated. They then made their mass retreat into the cavernous depths of a crudely concrete construction, and found an ideal lair.

This lair's dark corners were plentiful. Predators were few. These wretched wyverns rested their weary wings on streaks of elegant silver, and made this their new home.

Until Dwayne the Decimator appeared.

I killed, believe it or not, 34 mosquitoes in the span of half an hour earlier tonight. While i was lying on the bed, mosquito after mosquito zipped past my head and buzzing sounds echoed in my ears. When i wanted to sit in my prized Chairmaine, a flurry of the buggers emerged from her nooks and crannies (nothing gross) and were gliding around my room like vultures to a carcass.

SMACK! PIACK! WHACK! WHAM! SQUISH! I smashed them between one hand, two palms, the wall and between my fingernails. The majority of them were latched onto the Playstation 2 under the TV.


Mass burial cremation to be


Every speck a mosquito,
Either rolled up or spread-eagled,
But confirm are all retos


I'm saving you all the pain (and potential scarring) of seeing my blood-stained hands. TAKE THAT, YOU SUCKERS! Wahaha my bloodlust has been sated.

A bloodlust so strongly induced by the purely crappy Chinese Oral. I was the first of the first of the first sitting for it, and the felony that Bryan's mom committed was truly... Cool. I shall not disclose that she revealed some information privvy to the examiners. Nope, nothing at all will be said.

There was an informal volleyball training after that, and BY JOVE, my digging has improved from its random-rocketeering-in-all-directions phase.

The day rocks, the days ahead rock as i won't be subject to the yoke of school (read: early waking up times) by virtue of my attendance at some IMCB attachment thingum... Thanks to my newly painted and renovated guest room. Thanks for all those mosquitoes to KILL. Thanks.



Uninstalling my uber laggy WC3 to... Aww Skeet Skeet - Lil Jon ft DJ Flexxx

Chinese + ORAL = CORAL!

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And it's tomorrow. Shudders.



Asking myself... What U Gon' Do? - Lil Jon ft Lil Scrappy

Lock and FreeLoad

There's a fine line between providing a refreshing and relaxed presence and overstaying your welcome. Ok actually, there's a damn thick line stretching across the width of the Sahara. Here's the programme of my duration of stay at AWL's house:

Fri Night
11:00 pm - Arrive and make myself very much at home. DotA all the way on a freeloaded computer

Sat
3:00 am - Sleep on a freeloaded bed after bathing in freeloaded bathrooms
12:00 pm - Awaken to freeload a meal
1:00 pm - DotA
4:00 pm - Go for baptism by freeloading a ride
6:00 pm - Wipe myself with a freeloaded towel
6:45 pm - Piss off hosts by being a bitch about Subway (or a lack thereof)
7:30 pm - Reach Uncle Wilson's house for more freeloading of food. Force hostess (AWL) to fetch me back home then fetch us all to the street soccer court. Make her come and fetch us and supply us with money for drinks.
11:30 - Return to AWL's house toDotA on yet another freeloaded computer. Guzzle hosts' drinks and water while gulping down their jellies. In free time, blog on how garbaged up the hostess' house is.

Sun:
12:00 pm - Awaken, Watch Invader Zim on yet another borrowed electronic appliance.
2:00 pm - Kop a lift down to RTC for tennis. Nick and I skip opt out for Subway.
4:30 pm - Return home and give the hosts a reprieve, however temporary.
6:30 pm - CRASH the house yet again! DotA, eat, DotA

Mon:
2:00 am - Reach (my own) home. Notice the addition of the 'my own' because by this time, i'm sure none of you will realise where i really live. AWL had to stay awake till about 1:45 am just to make sure i got home properly.


Not only did i cross that Sahara desert of a line, I sped across it at light speed and looped the globe quite some bit in the process.

DotA: 3.5 + 2 + 3.5 + 5 = 14 hours over a 48 hour period. Hmm, not as bad as i expected O.o

Ok that's besides the point. What i really wish to proclaim is "SORRY SORRY!"

You just gotta hate freeloaders/overstayers of welcome. They consume your resources, destroy your private time and distract you from normal functioning, very much like the Bubonic Plague.

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On the other hand, ya gotta love those google.com sex freaks! Left out was 'cock sluppers', which has me TOTALLAY bewildered as to how those keywords led to me.

Last 20 Keywords:

03/07/2005 02:17:00 nerubian weaver (Yahoo) 03/07/2005 01:16:41 "sexplicit" (Google) 02/07/2005 20:27:18 creep trick with goblin techie in dota (Google) 02/07/2005 19:42:00 "you've got no gumption" (Google) 02/07/2005 19:26:54 "forbidden frankenstein (Google) 02/07/2005 11:07:00 jianbrutha (Google) 01/07/2005 04:28:27 jianbrutha (Google) 30/06/2005 18:27:25 bebot translation bep (Google) 30/06/2005 02:05:25 "madagascar quotes" (Google) 30/06/2005 00:58:44 lyrics madagascar king julian (Google) 27/06/2005 09:36:31 jianbrutha] (Google) 26/06/2005 15:14:12 black eyed peas bebot lyrics translation (Yahoo) 26/06/2005 12:00:11 black eyed peas bebot lyrics translation (Yahoo) 26/06/2005 11:39:02 we stand shoulder to shoulder we stand side to side lyrics pooh heffalump movie (Google) 26/06/2005 09:03:42 Marion　Raven Break　 sample music (Google) 26/06/2005 08:25:20 madagascar quotes bite butt (Google) 26/06/2005 06:54:48 aysuria ray, sex (Google) 26/06/2005 03:05:03 "bebot" +english translation (Google) 25/06/2005 22:30:48 black eyed peas bebot translation (Google) 25/06/2005 18:59:55 singlish trivial pursuit (Google)

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Spreading my pestilent self to... Stick That Thang Out - Lil Jon ft Pharrell Williams, Ying Yang Twins