Anti-Chinese (Language) Epiphany

Its influence stretches beyond borders. It has the power to link hostile governments and the gentleness to connect two individuals. It is the key to a host of opportunities while at the same time being the doorway to new dimensions. It is the ancestral roots of many Singaporeans while at the same time being the weed that hinders our growth and blossoming.

It is the Chinese language. A mortal enemy of many westernised Singaporeans for generation after generation.

Yet again, this boundlessly boring bane is back in my diminutive existence. This time, it's personified in the form of the unavoidable JC common tests (the equivalent of Mid-Years). Normally, chinese in classes can be brushed aside or its essays sloppily assayed. This time, however, there is integrity and the school records at stake. There is integrity. Oh and did i mention that there is integrity?

I, like many others i'm sure, am completely unprepared to face the daunting task tomorrow. Besides having no tuition teacher to at least force some work in, I belong to that earlier class of westernised Singaporean that wants nothing to do with the language. I see myself as Singaporean, not as Chinese. There's also the small factor of laziness during the holidays...

The JC chinese syllabus is purely abysmal. There is no fixed shou ce (handbook) to study from and the only material provided is that of the Chinese newspaper rotting in the dank recesses of the trash can. I DO applaud RJC's attempt to coalesce the entire 10000-individual-word language into a mere 90 pages.

There is some fallacy in the previous arguments, for a language is never restricted to a study guide. Here, i'll just have to place some blame on the Ministry of Education for such warped chinese language syllabi. What other country would involve a rate of 70% of tuition given being Chinese? What other country would have students wasting copious amounts of energy to mentally commit redundant words to (short-term) memory?

The fearsome beast dubbed Chinese has it's ugly head reared. Its gleaming fangs coruscate in the dim light of the examination hall. I don not kevlar against the piercing anxiety attacks it induces. I am not equipped with a pacemaker to ensure my (blood's) safe passage in these times of trouble. Instead, i am armed only with a mind that's so accustomed to the ebb and flow of the English tide. I WILL immediately drown and suffocate under the crushing tides of the Chinese undercurrent. I WILL fail the impending Chinese common test.

How does one expect to go up against a mental template for billions worldwide? How would insignificant ol' me vanquish the ethereal demon already living eternally in our texts, our histories and our technologies? When will this plague abate?

All geniuses have their handicaps. It seems mine is chinese (as well as humility, but that's a small and irrelevant matter).

Here, late at night before the actual paper, I sit and formulate an English article complaining about Chinese. All you cynics out there must be thinking that this article is simply for me to assuage whatever guilt i get when i eventually fail it, but I TELL YOU, its NOT really true...



If you can't beat it, mug it to... Dance - Jamiroquai