Holiday Clone #1: Frost Nova on Auto

Hmm. My blog has been a bit too novelty of late. What with all the Wizard shit and the poetry and headaches... This realisation heralds the dawn of a new age, the spectacular revelation that is the 'utterly boring narrative breakdown of the day' series.

Jussst joking! My blogs shall never lose their lustre and shine! And don't worry all you fellow RJCians, my business (OMG big business, busy-ness have the same spelling!!) was NOT because i was cooped up in my frivalously frosty room mugging maths by completing a common test '03 paper. Oh wait, it actually kinda was. Wak.

Don't panic! Keep those textbooks and sheath those pens! Only 1.5 hours were wasted this way. The rest was spent rather fruitfully (in part literally as the mangoes for dinner were sensual-lite, meaning lovely but low fat ;D).

I woke at 9:30 to a breakfast in bed (and frosty aircon) and was reading Blender through to about 11am. Everybody here who declares him/herself a music fan, BUY THIS MAGAZINE! No butts here, its the breast mus-zine around! While reading the Backstreet Boys article, however, i (unsurprisingly) dozed off. This time for about 2 hours till lunch was served. Lunch was nothing notable, as usual, for my fixed mindset of a grandmother seems to cloister her brain inside this shell of unreceptiveness to new culinary experiences or something...

After plopping down in front of the comp (have i mentioned in frosty aircon), I then proceeded to write songs and refine/adapt some poems as lyrics for jeremy. Wah i am SUCH a hypocrite. I write so many songs with punkish connotations when i utterly despise that genre... No wonder its the 'in' thing flooding airwaves now, its just so damned easy to compose lyrics for :P

Post-traumatic workload, i decided to de-stress abit and play with a rather unkempt Nubi. Once again, i think he's blowing his coat (nothing sick here!) and shedding excessively (read: hair beyond compare). My grooming of him was hence rather ineffective as he just magically continued producing copious amounts of fur to replace those fallen... Much like Hydras of mythological yore. Hmm, i'd always known Nubi to be some monster.

Oh! While walking Nubi, he did this extremely g0su combo. Firstly. he sniffed a small patch of grass. With his head down to the level of the grass, it then moved steadily forward with his sleek body following suit. Immediately after, he let loose jetstreams of pee while continuing his army crawl forward. It was amazing beyond words. Not that i'd want this particular skill, of course. Just give me all dogs' ability to look irresistibly cute at all times please.

Dinner was then sumptiously superb as all my aunts and uncs came over. Ended up talking to Daryl about some deep shit (both the one he was in and the complex depth of it) that the EFers and our casual friendship normally does not permit.

Does anyone else notice this? Its almost impossible to be casual, fun-loving friends with friends you're extremely close (eg confidantes, best friends) to, and vice versa. I feel its time to LOWER THOSE DEFENSE BARRIERS and let the x-wings of luuurve come in and destroy that black death star of a heart.

Oh btw, if Daryl noticed (and how could he not?) the gajillion 'frosty's scattered throughout this entry, READ IT AND WEEP TEARS THAT WONT FREEZE IN YOUR NON-AIRCONed ROOM! Wahaha aircon roxxx.

My god. I'm losing my famous tabloid-y tone of normal recapping entries. Where's the sarcasm? Where's the wittiness? Where's the Dwayne? Oh. There it is. Hi, how are you?

Its late. I have training tomorrow. Woo fun fun, but early early. And shiite, i haven't went and spell/vocab/grammar/punctuation/etc-checked my entries as promised yet. Crap, now that i've mentioned it, i'll have to do it. I'm sure if i didn't remind anyone, they wouldn't have noticed E.e



Gearing up for my Blog's... The Next Episode - Dr Dre ft Snoop Dogg

Waxing Lyrical

The first official day of the holidays, and it was thankfully fraught with significance.

I woke up at 8:20 am. *gasps*

Of course, this was for a noble purpose as i had volleyball training. For breakfast, i also had the extremely delectable Roti-boy (another first!). While we waited for Marvin's arrival, we were playing on our own (4v4) and i was rotated around as the setter/center. OMG i played the best-ish i've played... EVER lor. I maneged to properly jumpspike one and do overhand returns for the others. My setting wasn't that spectacular, but it was passable.

Marvin failed to arrive, but i learned more than possible in what was supposed to be a slack lesson. Thanks to Zhi Hao, the god-awesome setter, who was teaching me some tricks to proper setting.

After training, all attempts at DOTA LAN failed horribly as a few of us had no change and weren't allowed into the cybercafe shop. It being crowded as heck did not help matters... Damn, and i had so many puns ready for use in there (such as qing[1] chu[4] yu[3] LAN, normally a chinese idiom used to mean the pupil surpasses the master. Oh and LAN pa or LAN qiao. Do not ask for translations to the latter two).

I then scurried home to bathe and ready myself for a Sakae Sushi lunch wif ka and then a movie with daryl added into the mix. MADAGASCAR ROX! "Whats a bite on the butt between friends? Here, give it a nibble" says the lemur king Julian (voiced by Ali G) while brushing his tail across his advisor's face... Priceless.

Encapsulating matters after this: Bubble tea, home, discover that there was a buggy mp3 file ("Dakota - Stereophonics") in my computer that was taking up 240MB and hanging whatever program i used to delete it, went for buffet dinner at Transy Village (no la, Changi Village, but only until 11pm), MISSED DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES cause i was home 20 min late and my sister's friend was taping it anyway.

Ah, and now to the highlight of my holidays so far (and its not homework! Amazing!):

---

Woo! I'm one of the unofficial lyricists for jeremy's band, Cokespill. COOL COOL!

Wak the world should be kept in a box lor. CHANNEL UPTEEN 3! HERE ON YOUR TV! Nvm. I'm just hyper that i can finally contribute or do something remotely related to the aestethics. They're basically a group of fellow churchers based in Japan, forming a rock band to share their interests and beliefs with each other and the world. Of course, their music isnt limited to Christian, for they are also assaying the genres of oldskool, alt, emo and punk.

From their titular title track,

"Whats that dripping on the floor
Bringing the thrill, COKESPILL
What's that rapping on your door
Keeping it shrill, COKESPILL
Who's that making all the laws
Footing the bill, COKESPILL
Not your run of the mill COKESPILL"

---

Happy happy happy! Sigh, i'm so happy i feel somewhat sad now. Such unusual melancholy. ooOh perfect mood to write sappy poetry... Or maybe a song.

Buahbye!
Don't Cry!
Don't Pry!
Go Die!



Smearing songs with my creative juices to... Silence - Mother Nature

I Need a Bone pt 1

As performed by Nub-Doggy Dogg, Triple Maxxx and Rusta Rhymes, the EFers dogs,

I Need a Bone part 1

(sung to the tune of Usher's "I Need a Girl pt 1")

[Nubi]
Yeah, c'mon
I need a.. I want a.

[All]
I need a bone to bite, bite, bite
I need my teeth to be like knives
I need a bone cos i'm canine
I need a bone in my life


[Verse 1: Nubi]
Ro! I'm unfashionably shown on Dwayne's camera phone
I've gotta crawl, and I only spare the night to moan
I would really like a bone, really get those teeth all shone
I've got a few, I would like to own
Butt cheeks aroma see, don't tickle my fancy
Only tendony with shandy; that's all of my fant'sy
Need a bone that could sate me, replace a Calc'dee
Cattle ribs fo' the mangy, ripped to the tummy cause
Most of these bones be eluding me
I don't know where i had it buried or if its marked with pee
Maybe its too crummy, or maybe I ain't used to be
Called, you not impressed and now you are starvin me
That's why I need me a bone to be as a fee
No 'buts', deworm and no tryin to scratch me
Without a bone for my pride, shit is so runny
Forget the soup, it's for me, Nubi

Now that's right...

[Chorus: Maxxx wailing]
I need a bone to bite, bite, bite
I need my teeth to be like knives
I need a bone cos i'm canine
I need a bone in my life
I need a bone that's right, right, right
I need my teeth to be like knives
Don't want no treats cos they're all trite
I need some bones in my life


[Verse 2: Rusta]
Ro! I da had a lot of wormin in my lifetime
Bones, see there not a lot o' choices that are the right kind
I downed hard stoney chicks and all the night creatures
And 'hood pet shops that only stock sneakers
Soft toys and beepers, and crap loads of treats, ya
Hard off the chart, she'll walk ya, relieve ya
I find a bone, Its a keeper
but now I'm getting diddly all them bones getting deeper
I want some real shit, I need somethingy that can fill width
I need somethingy I can chew with
I need somethingy I can gnaw tight
When the time the dog sleeps, at night
Anytime and regardless of fur mites
Its the pearl I been barking for this whole time
Goodness me, how have you not the insight?
Decreed by Rusta, "now I understand strife"

I need a bone...

[Chorus: Maxxx wailing]
I need a bone to bite, bite, bite
I need my teeth to be like knives
I need a bone cos i'm canine
I need a bone in my life
I need a bone that's right, right, right
I need my teeth to be like knives
Don't want no treats cos they're all trite
I need some bones in my life


[Verse 3: Nubi]
I had a bone he would've fried for me
Depreciated so I made a cry for ghee
Every night he had deers and ribeyes for me
Cat-a-chase, Rusty took the whole hide for me
Thirst, it depends, this be lame covers (awooo)
It was more like for food, my stomach hungers (awooo)
All night we would play bite much like lovers
Now its gone, can't eat through like its tasty manna
But every time I think about his petty wiles
And how he used to drive me, Nubi, wild
Damn I wish I wouldn't have been so mild
My pretty little tricks done doggystyle
This shit is wild
All the bones that I had to miss
And all the pay all registered as teeny blips
But as long as he's happy, I'ma tell him this
We need bones man or he's the one or I will always kiss
My pimple kiss

I need a bone...

[Chorus x4: Maxxx wailing]
I need a bone to bite, bite, bite
I need my teeth to be like knives
I need a bone cos i'm canine
I need a bone in my life
I need a bone that's right, right, right
I need my teeth to be like knives
Don't want no treats cos they're all trite
I need some bones in my life


I just want you to be like Nubi
Growl, I need ewe to feed my tummy
I'll just feed you since dog eat doggy
I just want bones in my life

---

Tapping my fingers to... I Need a Girl pt 1 - P Diddy ft Usher

H to the Oliday

The June holiday break started off with BREAK! The Urban Funk Spectacular. It was extremely good, soundtrack/dancing/ambience... Bad thing however, was the seating. Or complete lack thereof. This resulted in all the kiasu people crowding to the front. CURSE them for being tall enough for their hairline to be at my eye-level (read: tallishly short). A good thing though, is my (ever so slightly) more defined calves since i had to tiptoe for the entirety of the concert...

I reiterate that chem rocks. Pardon its randomness, but note that once something is said to be random by its creator, it ceases to fulfill its function and effectively becomes a living paradox.

My desire to blog as expoundingly as before is waning... Fret not though, for it will be re-ignited thanks to my potentially jam-packed holidays.



Nobody plays DOTA to... Holiday - BEP (or any other song for that matter)

Monochromatic Ol' Me

Red i feel when i disagree;
Yellow in days of shame;
Green i feel when success i see;
Blue in days of pain.
Nothing more i seem to be,
But monochromatic ol' me.

Brilliant maroon is my epitome,
When subjected to the lame;
Dull greys of discrepancy,
When there's nothing more to gain.
Nothing more i seem to be,
But monochromatic ol' me.

Orange i feel when deep in consumption,
For you are what you eat.
Black when told "you've got no gumption",
For common sense is an uncommon feat.
Nothing more i seem to be,
But monochromatic ol' me.

The same colours,
The same shades.
Black on white,
Ace of Spades;
White on black,
Barcodes paid.
The vibrance of life
Is derived
From white light's deviant strife.
Hence simply a variant life,
Monochromatic ol' me.

---

Feeling shades of blue and grey to... Feel Good Inc - Gorillaz

The Wizard of Whores

(In case you haven't already guessed, this is a crudely unfunny satire on the Wizard of Oz)

---

Chapter 1

Once upon a time, there was a young chao ah lian named Dotty. She was pretty pretty (and skanky to match) and would never be seen anywhere without her Toto-Toy ("gives as much pleasure as gambling"), frequently engaging in intercourse with it (TALK lah!).

Her Toto-Toy, however, was simply a cheaper and more commercial version of the Mega Blasters as popularised on Missy Elliott's "Toyz", but that's completely beside the point.

At 12 midnight on her birthday, her fruity ovaries ripened to the legal age of 18. Luckily, she was wearing her birthday suit, for anything else might have been stained. Bad.

At this pivotal and defining moment in her life, a freak mental tornado swept her young nubile mind into a whole new shitload of disillusionment. It was vicious, it was overwhelming, it was... purely ravaging.

"OooOoh!" she exclaimed in an ecstatic high. "Toto, i think we're not in Kranji anymore"

Toto-Toy whirred and vibrated in agreement.

Dotty glanced around at her surroundings: Curvaceous hills littered with a tiny mud hut atop each one, phallic obelisks were erected in the middle of nowhere, cavernous holes threatening to swallow one whole... Obviously, the architect of this mindscape was terribly perverse.

Suddenly, loud cheering erupted from behind her (not from her behind... that would be just sick). She quickly spun around and was greeted by an unholy gathering of extremely NOT well-endowed (height being one of them) man-things. A particularly ugly cretin crept up behind her and bit her butt, but this minor inconvenience was taken care of immediately as the rest of the man-things swarmed that cretin in turn and chomped on his arse.

"OooOoh!" Dotty moaned out post-'revelation', if you know what i mean. "No wonder you guys are called Munch-hinds". Toto-toy could not help but feel a nagging suspicion over these troglodytes, but then Toto-toy could only have nagging feelings anyway.

After a whole crappola of buttmunch (the same applies to the storyline here), the Munch-hinds thanked Dotty profusely for accidentally vanquishing the Wicked Bitch of Eastcoast, who had earlier been refusing to whore her *ahem* assets to the Munch-hinds. They then forced Dotty to wear the Bitch's magical scandals.

To guide Dotty on her road to self-discovery, they mentioned something vague about a "Wizard of Whores" who could help her in her journey of self-discovery, and started chanting:

"Follow the Geylang Back Road, follow the Geylang Back Road! Hi-De Hi-De Hi-De Hi-deh follow the Geylang Back Road!"

Dotty thought she grasped the gist (and lots more) of their message and continued on her way, never realising that the sneaky Munch-hinds were actually chanting for more 'hide' to sink their cigarette-stained yellow teeth into.

---

Chapter 2

The Geylang Back Road was beautiful! It was quiet (save the occasional grunting and groaning, source: unknown) and peaceful, except for the occasional blood-curdled scream. The place was also well-lit under the coruscating red lanterns pimping some sort of undisclosed service. The road stretched in one direction, and there were hypodermic needles littering the dark and dank floor.

Other than that, Dotty completely enjoyed the ambience.

Toto-toy purred softly and smoothly, providing a calming presence and much more for Dotty.

She wanted to find the Wizard to seek his advice. She needed to know whether to return to innocence (damn pwning song by Enigma, btw) or to continue down this path of self-discovery. Also, she had to know whether she was in a deliriously (wet) dream.

After a lonesome (but no less fun) while of walking, Dotty spotted a rather limp Scarecrow, sprawled spread-eagle across the district. She stood right over it, her pert... hands waving about gestures of impatience.

"Wah BIANG eh!! Simi Scarecrow buay song sleep in the middle of the road! Some people need to walk leh! KNNB CCB!"

Whatever (sexual) predator lurking in the shadows that heard this brutal display of butch-ness was immediately scared away, guranteeing Dotty's safe passage.

Wanting to not be further delayed, Dotty tried walking over the flaccid scarecrow.

BIG MISTAKE! NO STARK-NAKED WOMAN SHOULD TRY TO WALK OVER A MAN PRETENDING TO BE LIMP.

Unfortunately, Dotty didn't suspect this, and the Scarecrow literally sprang up under her.

Luckily (or unluckily for the Scarecrow), our heroine knew the secret martial (or was it marital?) arts of the Karma Sutra and immediately pinned him down in some kinky position that even a limp scarecrow could not bend around to. Dotty then delivered a swift kick to the scarecrow's groin, simultaneously screeching "Take this, you cheekopek!"

The scarecrow expressed no pain, and even started convulsing in pleasure.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Dotty menacingly shouted while letting loose a flurry of kicks to the Scarecrow's groin. The Scarecrow apparently reached a climax of sorts, as he started oozing straw out of his ears of corn.

"Thank you for freeing me from my imprisonment. I was trapped by the Wicked Bitch of Eastcoast while on my way to see the Wizard of Whores" the scarecrow solemnly muttered, scaring the shit out of Dotty (if there WAS any left after the Munch-hinds). "I need my problem corrected. You see, i can only achieve my *ahem* nirvana through violence and kinky torture."

*Cue stunned silence*

"I want to experience scarecrow lovin' the normal way!" he continued. "I want some serious corn in the cob action here, if you know what i mean."

Dotty hence gained a new travelling companion on her journey. Toto-toy once again felt a shiver down its spine, although that may be because Dotty turned on its power.

---

Chapter 3

The travellers then came across a pubicly displayed Lion.

"No no no. Stupid author, i am not feeling in the mood for any zoophilia or kinky animal sex scenes here!" Dotty announced loudly to the narrator of this fairy tale gone wrong.

"BUT IT IS IN THE PLOT, HOWEVER CONVOLUTED AND DISGUSTING" boomed a voice from above.

"Please? Pretty please?"

"NO!"

"Don't eff $#*& ^% with ME you arrogant, erectile dysfunctioned CCB SOB!" she let loose another barrage of vulgarities completely unbecoming of her.

"OKOK THEN!" the voice submitted, relinquishing all poetic justification he had.

Dotty and co. then came across a very hard and firm Tin Man, who was silently crying atop a slummy trashcan lid.

"I can't even cry!!" the Tin Man lamented. One can only imagine what else he could not do involving a secretion of fluids. The trashcan lid shouted from underneath him "You still owe me $$$, you dry bastard!".

"WAAAAAAAAH" he sobbed. At this point, Toto-toy inappropriately malfunctioned and started violently vibrating while in the scarecrow's hands. "Oh shizzles..." the Scarecrow groaned as more straw started foaming out of his every orifice.

Ignoring the obnoxious Scarecrow, Dotty went up to the Tin Man. "I've always liked strong, hard men who can dominate me" she cooed seductively into his metallic ears. "I'm sure the Wizard of Whores can have your problem fixed, with a little (actually no, a LOT of) lubricant"

This obviously cheered up the Tin Man, and he put away his deficiencies and followed along with the ragtag group. Don't worry, there were no orgies here as everyonel had some random sexual problem, so no one was in any mood for virile copulation. This is hence the only scene to qualify as an M-18.

---

Chapter 4

They finally made their way to the end of the Geylang Back Road. Here lay the majestic, the splendid and the sparkling Emmigrant City. Here, muliple-sex-changed transvestites from all over the world such as exrotic Thailand converged to get their prostitution permits verified by the Wizard of Whores.

Upon entering under the City's signature green arches, actually a cleverly disguised groin & leg region of some crystalline behemoth, the trio were greeted by a thunderous voice represented by a kinky pole-dancing whore-logram.

"You cannot be helped! There exists no scientific methods of augmentation to suit your needs!"

Dejected, the trio were about to turn back when they saw a weeping Pamela Anderson (and her bosom buddies) storm angrily out of the booth.

"Next, please" cued their turn with the Wizard. Tremendous waves of excitemen' and all other 'men were building up in our protagonists. At last, they would be able to address their problems. At last, they would have their revenge (oops wrong movie :P)

They stepped into the booth with great trepidation, only to be pleasantly shocked (and not by the Wizard's kinky electro-torture gadget, Zapgasm). The Wizard of Whores was not the man he was portayed to be! He was smaller than the Munch-hinds, and that says a lot.

"Before you comment on my stature, i must reiterate that 'its not the size, its how you use it!'" the wizened old Wizard explained.

"Wasn't that quote from Nigel Powers in Austin Powers 3?" Dotty asked quizzically.

"Aack then you have discovered my lack of intelligence as well..." the Wizard concluded in submission, and committed suicide via autoerotic asphyxiation.

Without the title character, the entire story also unceremoniously ends.

---

Prologue

Haha. Just joking.

Dotty goes on to discover her life's calling as not JUST a whore, but as a pimp mother. Furthermore, she was actually the Wicked Bitch of Eastcoast before her sudden sexual awakening, hence the demise of the chaste Bitch at that same time. In the end, she assumes the magical title of 'the Witch of Whores' and leads sexual profiteering to a whole new golden era (nono, not condom colours)

The Scarecrow realises that he can make a fortune as a straw-producing punching bag. The Tin Man realises that he has it in him all along (literally). Toto-toy also gets repaired and continues providing pleasure for the many many recruits in Dotty's playhouse.

Everybody loves happily ever after.

---

Disclaimer: Do not read this if you are extremely upright and uptight, if you know what i mean. Also, people easily grossed out and very 'pure' should avoid this as well. Of course, this disclaimer would have done much better at the top of the entry :P



OZing to... Star Whores Theme - Dwayne's Dirty Mind

Abnormal Abdominal

First headaches, now diarrhoea. OooOOoH. Shit (literally), cannot type anymore liaos. Frivolous frogs are creating weird twanging noises in my stomach. Springs stretched beyond their constant of proportionality are being vigorously bent around my intestines. *to-oing-oing*

...

Multiple 'Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh's of relief.

Stupid Vitagen. I have this conspiracy theory that the Vitagen manufacturers are in cahoots with Singapore's sanitation department. More Vitagen, more diarrhoea, less permanent solid stool staining the sanitation dept's pipes. Furthermore, diarrhoea this toxic will definitely unclog ANYTHING by sheer vitriolic action of dissolving anything away.

Omg its coming back. Worst still, i just finished 3 minutes ago. I'll never be able to complete this entry at this rate *twoi-yong*. If you are wondering why this entry sounds so disjointed, its probably because of the many shiterruptions (definitely not because i've lost my ability to wield English).

Possible other reasons for my DIE-rrhoea:
1) Subway Tuna sub (God, please no. i don't want to lose you! Noooooo!)
2) Weird free fried chicken from the Madagascar premiere
3) Nasi Lemak from the vball camp (i KNEW that chilli was too good to be true...)
4) Mussels from Daryl's party
5) Degenerative Dim Sum from lunch earlier today

Of course, with its current, hold on a sec, *ahhhhh*... intensity, i figure it HAS to be a cruel combination of all of the above, with the Vitagen acting as the primo catalyst in the extremely exothermic reaction (has diarrhoea ever made you feel cold o.O? Too many mints arh?)

Anyway, albeit all my weekend distractions, i managed to finish a PHYSICS tutorial! Wahaha glorifying myself again. Yeeha. Ok stop now. Please.

Oh, and why does my stat counter increase so dramatically whenever i update sketchy, small posts that require little or no creative input? The general blog-reader's sentiment (and level of sophistication) must be extremely low so as to not appreciate my lengthier posts.

Btw, i just realised that people aren't so visceral and... detailed on their blogs (or anywhere else, for that matter). Grossgusting NOW!



Stomach tooi-yooi-yoi-yong to... Best Friends - Missy Elliott ft Aaliyah

Fatnorexia

Fatnorexia

[rap]
Dere be once a big boi obese
In digits on da scale did he increase
Lose weight and got fitted did he,
But while chattin one day in air-con freeze
This play was displayed,
Dissed, played
He stopped, dropped, KABOOM
What a good friend said brought him to his knees
For he was damn off by far
Anorexia Nervosa...

[chorus]
Yeaah, you look fat!
Your bone structure...
Still retains some of that
Bloated look.
Yeaah, you look fat!
Your bone structure...
Still retains some of that
Bloated look.

*whisper*
But when i see you in person,
its like you're anorexic!

[verse 1]
Stuck in a rut
Now i'm all cramped in
Suck in my gut
Now i'm falling off
Nowhere to strut...

[pre-chorus]
Slouching in my chair
Chatting with a friend
About me was an air
Of absolute insecurity
When he said...

[chorus]

[verse 2]
Naph Gold times 3
How can that mean
i'm under flab's decree
Doesn't that mean
Hang up all the crockery?

[pre-chorus]

[chorus]

[bridge]
Oh the world out there
Is such a cruel place
Where best friends
Insult you to your face
Insult you to your face
Such a cruel place...

[chorus x2]

If you know what i mean...

---

yah you look fat
your bone structure...
still retains some of that bloated look if you know what i mean
but when i see you in person
its like you're anorexic

That was the compliment that inspired my first-ish attempt at song-writing. The song is supposed to be a rap-rock collaboration, with falsetto old skool rock chorus, a semi-fast spoken pre-chorus and seductive whispering. It chronicles the pain and suffering an obese person who worked hard to drop his excess load, only to be further criticised on his appearance. Arrgh if you can't picture it, try to make that into a mental song (mental song it is, all right...).

Thanks jeremy. My self-esteem is bounding around unstoppably now. Weeha. I only hope i look like how i was in Japan '04 last we met. He was talking about me in this pic on MSN o.O

Anyway, if any of you haven't noticed (which i'm sure is the majority), i still have NOT went and corrected my previous blog entries. I shall *have* to complete it by this long weekend.



Tapping my fingers to... Fatnorexia - The Darkness ft Snoop Dogg (as i see it!)

Stark Whores

Its late, and i have no time for embellishment, so here goes:

Ran a measly 10:0x for 2.4km today, where 0 < x < 9. WAARGH. Soooo lousy and unfit! Of course it could be partially due to the wet and sloshy morning, my ancient-chinese-style binded feet and a outburst of blisters between my toes...

At least NAPFA is over, with my getting gold for yet another year. 26/30 is pure crap though, especially with jen/haoyi/bryan getting in the 27-29 range... Why has God blessed me with inflexibility (or stiffness, heh) and a poor vertical jump height?

More bad news in that my PW group's GPP has been rejected/deemed inappropriate/separated ala wheat from the chaff. This could not come at a worst time (except maybe if it happened tomorrow) as everyone else has their drafts accepted and the go-ahead given... I had this enormous sense of gravity emanating from my heart throughout the entire councillors investiture because of this (oh and my weekly doses of inadequacy due to my leadership position [or lack thereof]).

During vball, we met our new coach! Oh and i'm officially training for setter now (a position i'm absolutely crap at, although that is true for everything else :P). At least i felt i improved and was doing better today than before. Leave it to the friendly we had at the end to go and ruin my day E.e.

It ended at 630pm, leaving me with the dangerously small cellar window of time to bathe and go to yishun by 710. I hence had to improvise by re-wearing my school uniform, dabbing myself down with toilet paper, wiping my feet with my old socks and NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR. O.o commando style for a war movie siah...

Common sense would have told me not to tell you that previous line, but heck, i live on controversy :P.

Anyway, STAR WARS ROCKED! I was one of the first people in the world to watch it WAHAHA *evil Emperor-esque cackle*. For the first time in the new movies, i actually felt more emotion than awe (at the CG) and disgust (at the love scenes). Although those two were recurring guest stars in this one, at least the emotional cast was more, experienced...

ALL GO WATCH! I GO SLEEP! Oh and crap, i won't be able to go for the first night of the vball camp because i have some $200 formal charity dinner thing... Euughs. And don't ask about the title of this entry, the pun was just so cool!



Da DAA da da da DAA da to... Curbside Prophet - Jason Mraz

LanGauges

My current state of English is abysmally vaporous (read: ethereal, wispy and intangible). Its not that i am but a charlatan or an impeccable imitation, but that all the phrases i spew out in real life (yes, as a matter of fact, i have one) are completely... off.

Expressions aren't the only sufferable aspect of my English: There is the atrocious spelling, the inappropriate use of overly grandiose vocabulary and last but not least, the horrible punctuation.

Firstly, i realised my imcompetence when i had absolutely no committment and dedication to my Dictionary Project. The entire re-ignition was short-lived, probably exceeding the lifespan of a mosquito by a mere 2 minute minutes (not those from my room though. Those bastards live forever!).

Secondly, my forked tongue flicks faster than my brain can catch up. The result is a convoluted string of warbled and fused expressions such as "life has dealt him an ugly stick". Although i guess i CAN come up with some practical use and meaning for it... What about a loanshark (since he deals out pain and causes grievious and unsighly bodily scarring)?

Thirdly, the thin and fine line between British and American English is becoming ever more thin and fine to the extent of astringence (haha a-string-gence, geddit? ). Jen and I were zealously airing our viewpoints and arguments on the spelling of 'judgment' (waha guess which one i advocate?). In the end, however, the snootay Bri-ish spell it with the extra 'e'. Literally EXTRA siah!

Finally, my blog is doing NOTHING whatsoever to improve my English standard! Half the time, i illustrate my ideas imperfectly by cramming my entries full of structurally-unsound sentences (from the maniacally meandering to the short stop). The other half is littered with the trash that is singlish or EFeringlish somemore! Before long, i'm sure all you readers will be chanting "Obfuscation alerts in the future, please!"

Resolutions: Correct EVERY entry in my blog. By tonight. And if that isn't fantastical enough, i will also *shudder* READ MY GP NOTES! Who in the world reads GP notes (besides Haoyi, the default exception, but no more exceptional).

Splelign errers, improbable use of vocab, incorrect punctuation. And grammatical mistake are a thing of the past!



Running my 2.4 tomorrow to... Pass Da Blunt - Missy Elliott ft Aaliyah

The Various Ions in My Life...

Intonation: Sarcasm while stating matters-of-fact. I'm so imitatable that even Congren is trying to copy my style of saying 'so off lor' and 'damn gosu'. I must either be extremely influential and such a good role model to look up to, or just simply over-eccentric and lagi spoofable.

Commendation: Physics test today was EASY beyond measure (no random error in the measurement somemore). However, if i was a football manager in CM4 with 'time' as my players, i would sooo have cost them the victory (read: mismanaged). I had no time to finish one question part because i went and vigorously beat the bush's silhouette for my other answers. Sigh the disadvantages of knowing too much yet writing too slowly.

Recommendation: YUAN YANG drink! One part soya bean, one part chin chow. All parts sexay and slurpable. Contains the best of both worlds in its refreshing umami taste, its smooth yet crystalline texture and last but not least, has GRASS JELLY! The uber pwning alternate name of 'Michael Jackson' does NOTHING to deter people from drinking it ;)

Lamentation: Volleyball training has been permanently changed to Mon, Wed, Fri. WAAARGH. The latter 2 are my early slack days... Just because we're a bunch of ill-committed losers, just because both guy and girl teams did not get beyond the quarter finals, just because we're a effeminate underfunded CCA doesn't mean we have to follow suit with the stupid record-shattering BASKETBALLERS trainings and court bookings... How shitake mushroomy.

Revelation: People get peeved over the most (un)innocent things written on a blog... Sorry Clement! And aay, i need ur blog address. Also, we did not mean any despicable and derogatory thing said. De-meaning was taken wrongly and out of context!

Indignation: Jen and the frequency and magnitude of his mood swings. I swear he's being heated by some external source of stress, and is like a gas being agitated. From happy to sad to hyper to angry to competitive... He's either going to burn himself out or simply DIE from exhaustion (not to mention random troll-gres squishing him against walls during floorball).

Incrimination: Virtually everyone's cheating for the many SPAs we have been having. It does not help that 1S03N has NO practicals in the first timeslot, and will hence be able to find out privvy info ;) Not that we need it or actually do... Speaking of which, its 9:26 pm and i haven't even started on my SPA yet. Then there's Desperate Housewives in less than an hour. Sigh the constraints of being a 3-dimensional being in a n-dimensional plane...

Rhythm Nation: PWNING song by Janet Jackson. The skin-toight leather suit she wore for the MTV was replicated on a Rhythm Nation Mickey Mouse figure at Disney lor O.o Post-Nipplegate, though, it was taken down (the Mickey lah, not the leather tightfit on it). Also note the utter randomness and into the red (ie out of the blue) of this mini-paragraph. Although once i say its random, it somehow stops being so... OoH paradoxes please.


Steamyboat Mickey



Bloated on steak, potatoes and... Bombastic - Britney Spears

Elitism

The group of friends i hang around with are a bunch of elitist snobs (me included, but others rarely). We are the stereotypical clique, the epitome of exclusiveness and intolerance personified all rolled into one fine dough croissant and baked to perfection.

We are known (or feared) as the EFers - Extended Family-ers. Fret not, we did not choose the extremely pansy and anti-climatic moniker (adults did, but that's also besides the point). We are so hyper-exclusive that acceptance, let alone entry, into the association is as rare as a holofoil Charizard (read: scarce and valuable).

We persecute one and all. From irritating cousins to effeminate fg (x)s, from dua kees to various racial ethnicities (although we're not rascist, i think), from computer gaming n00bs to buay song bastards... We critique virtually everybody. Physical, mental and psychological deformities and deficiencies would not give you reprieve, but more torment instead.

The modes of torture and defamation include the mandatory gossiping, the formulation of crude jokes, the acerbic comments and the impeccable behind-the-back imitations.

If the victim in question is unaware of our caustic inroads on their integrity, then the maxim "ignorance is bliss" truly applies to them. However, once out in the open, the target will usually cry to no end and wind up hating our guts (but intestines are so beautiful!). They will then proceed to distance themselves from us. Eventually and unceremoniously, they fade from our memories while our revolting remarks remain with them indefinitely.

Today, for instance, there was a cell cluster worship leader (whom i'm sure is a extremely nice person and a good singer). She is unfortunately, endowed with several (million) pieces of excess baggage around her waist. On top of that (although i would not know what would fit on top of THAT), she has this subconscious tendency to adorn herself with skin tight tees and let hang jeans several sizes too small.

The result: ASS CRACK CENTRAL! She spent a whole 20 minutes sitting on the floor in front of everyone, oblivious to the fact that her assets were spilling out of the back of her pants.

This inevitably led to the EFers creating brash jokes and impossibly demeaning scenarios:


1) One of us suggested swiping a credit card through the buttline and commence poking her cheeks as per buttons on an ATM. When no money would appear (god i hope not), we would start violently knocking on it and demanding our $$.

2) Stick a $1 inside her cavernous butt cleavage and start twisting one of her cheeks while acting like an innocent child at a mama shop trying to get one of those plastic-sphere encased toys. When nothing came out (i hope not once again), we would start crying and calling for our mommy.

3) 'I may be an attention whore, but she's a crack whore.'

---

Even later on, when we were all doubled up with side-splitting laughter, we were cracking jokes and attributing our behavious to 'being high on ass crack'.

The nerve! We are such despicable creatures. How could we have the cheek to pull things like that? And not just this once... I, of all people, should know how they feel, being a fat persecuted bastard once before (nono not now. yes, im sure).

There are countless other instances of this non-inclusion and villainisation. I only hope that we can grow out of this phase in our lives. It may be (extremely) pleasurable, but i'm sure it only signifies that we are too insecure with our own lives and have to put others down to get our supplement our low self-esteem.

YEAH RIGHT!


Note: Away from the group syndrome, none of us are as the above. We are all gregarious, charming and charismatic beings that harbour no ill intentions. We also sincerely wish to address this social dysfunction and change for the better. Right guys? RIGHT??



High on ass crack to... Everything - Lifehouse

Desolation/Consolation

Desolation: I did not get into the house committee
Consolation: I got a free orange juice from Jen

Desolation: I felt absolutely nothing (complete indifference) at all.
Consolation: People think i feel something, and hence console me.

Desolation: My profile was stolen from the Moor-Tarbet house notice board.
Consolation: My profile (and hence picture) was stolen from the Moor-Tarbet house notice board. Of course , they might just have been clearing the trash ones away.

Desolation: I wasted so much effort and endured so much humiliation for the whole process.
Consolation: The fulfilling experience has led to be writing my first ever article for RA magazine on elections (aptly titled: 'Help! I Can't Sustain my Election!')

Desolation: I'm a permanent 'attention whore' now that the maxine's marker ink can't be rubbed off.
Consolation: At least i'm attractive enough to BE some kind of whore (heck the attention part)

Desolation: I'm going to stay single my entire life.
Consolation: So is 75++% of my batch AND the EFers (WAHAHA!).

Desolation: I'm getting a gassy diarrhoea-esque stomach.
Consolation: More time on the toilet reading Discover and 8 Days!

Desolation: I'm missing Dance Night (no eye candies, no social life...)
Consolation: I get to NOT have diarrhoea while watching Dance Night

Desolation: I have to run for ORA tomorrow (some weird rafflesians society walk-a-jog) at 715 AM.
Consolation: Um. Ummmm... UM...

---

Stomach gurgling in tune with... Don't Cha - Pussycat Dolls ft Busta Rhymes

SPAcasm

House Comm speeches and campaigning have finally concluded. Although my speech went rather well, i still have this small nagging doubt (read: MIND-DOMINATING thought) that i will not get into the comm. I completely screwed up the Q&A by answering exactly what the first person answered. How is this possible? Where is the spontaneously witty and acerbic Dwayne? What sort of droll troll has replaced him? (as opposed to interesting trolls, which are OH SO MUCH BETTER.)

I managed to count a heap of votes for me though: The innumerable, the infinite, the boundless number of '2'. More specifically, Pam's and my own (i warned you i was shameless!).

Sigh. I guess there's no point in postponing my disappointment, and i shall hence resign myself to my inevitable fate of not being in the house comm.

*cue outpouring of condoling sentiments*

*cue outpouring of condoling sentiments*

*WHERE THE HELL ARE MY BLOODY CONDOLING SENTIMENTS?*

Ah fuckish youash allish.

---

In other amusing events, Haoyi and I got into this small scuffle which started with me 'squirting some of my fluids all over his crotch region'. He then attempted to grab my phallic object and was determined to dispense more of the likewise fluid back on me. The ensuing hot and sweaty struggle for the miniature obelisk (aiyoh its a waterbottle lah, you sick pervs) resulted in me having complete possession of it.

Now, in order to remove my enemy's potential weapon, i had to disarm myself first (hmm, the UN should adopt a strategy like this). In the flurry of the moment, i flung the waterbottle as hard as i could at the open window. As my absolutely godly marksmanship and accuracy would permit, i ended up just tossing it smack center in Genesis' face (and no, there was no Biblical significance in that last sentence, i think).

The chaos and confusion (and my profuse apologies) that followed gave Haoyi a chance to grab the bottle without my knowledge and consent (not that he would have asked me for it), open the cap and DRENCH the whole front of my shirt.

Ew to wet clothes. Double Ew to it being some unknown but presumably absent-minded person's. Triple Ew to the RJ uniform being COMPLETELY transparent when wet. Urks...

---

There was also a physics SPA, btw. Note how i never publicise subjects other than chemistry (ooh i *heart* chem). It was, nevertheless, impossibly easy in an oxymoronic way, and was utter boredom personified.

Who in the world would go and measure the height changes of a suspended ruler when loads were added on it? Load on, stretch. Load off, return to normal position. WOW! Deliquents have a more fun time when they wan E smack K (ok, bad analogy).

Albeit its mental promiscuousity, i think i still managed to screw up O.o. I took the readings of h from the top of the ruler, which according to Lame Congren, is the WORST THING IN THE WORLD I COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DONE. Thanks for making my day, man. Its nice knowing that i have distinguished myself by at least committing some heinous act worthy of noting.

---

Speaking of being wet, i, in all my glory and splendour, slipped in a deep puddle of water during vball training. I was trying to spin the volleyball above the water much like steamboats of yore (aay its a perfectly acceptible reason to make a fool of oneself).

Then, instead of immediately getting up, i lay motionless inside and even started making 'puddle angels' for the fun of it. If by 'fun' i meant getting all the nooks and crannies of my body and clothing (read: underwear) wet BEFORE training even started, then OMG i had an excruciating load of fun.

---

Apparently, once again, i look like a piece of shit in my photo. An amorphous lump of excrement under the soft lighting of the family room, smiling its corny (literally) grin at the camera.

I sincerely thought it was one of my better photos of late, especially since my gargantuan lips tend to not be swayed easily into making way for my teeth to be shown when smiling. Wah, then today, kaishi and benjamug were going on about how i look spastic and sleepy.

Sigh the things people will do to bring other's down to their level. Haha juuust joking. I know i'm an ugly, imperfect and barbaric cretin scraping wet rocks together to try to formulate a spark.

I also know that i'm a master fisher ;) (WAH! Just caught an angelfish of accolade and a whale of a pale in comparison).


Edit: Nothing alleviates a foully cynical and sarcastic mood more than MANGO PUDDING. Not Minghao pudding tho, cos thats just sick. Ew.



Pudding on weight to.. The Rain (Supa Doopa Fly) - Missy Elliott

Everyone gets a Minute Speech.

Moor-Tarbet, our strong and mighty house, is represented by the passionate colour of red. It signifies the potentially strong unity and loyalty to one another that together, we can achieve.

Red also represents blood, a tissue system that protects the entire body while contributing to its growth and sustenance. Blood contains antibodies, blood cells and lymph. Without any of the above essentials, blood would simply cease to function and the entire body will fall into a state of disarray.

This is exactly how i perceive Moor-Tarbet to be in the body of RJC. Like the components of blood, all of us seated here assume important roles in the bigger picture that is our house. In order to function effectively, we will need a strong, inspiring and diligent committee of leadership, which can plan exhilarating and fulfilling activities to benefit the individual, the house, the school and the community-at-large. For these very reasons, the House Comm is the place for me!

Blood is thicker than water! Vote for me, Dwayne Wang, to be in our batch's house comm. [Together, we can achieve Moor (and Tarbet too)!]

---

Warning to Speech Leeches: YOU DIE TOMORROW!



Feeling rather patriotic to... Breathe - Blu Cantrell ft Sean Paul

VOTE ME!

Guess who got through the interview rounds for the Moor-Tarbert house committee selection? No, not Nubi...

ME, Dwayne Wang!


The pimples on my head spell out 'beauteous'


Vote ME, Dwayne Wang, for Moor-Tarbert Comm!
If you desire to contribute but are (very unfortunately) not in my house, TELL YOUR FRIENDS!

I promise to give my utmost all, my 110%, my dedication and committment. I also pledge to be self-sacrificial and to

I also promised fellow running mates Glen and Jonathan i'd do some red paper backing for my our campaign of "Blood is thicker than water" (M-T's colour is red, btw). Lol vote them too (but not before you do me! Wahaha shameless...)

Also, that is the one, the only picture you'll ever get to see of me until after the elections, lest i scare away more potential voters...



Counselling myself to... I Need a Girl pt 2 - Loon ft P. Diddy

Love is in the Heir

I am thoroughly smitten. I am completely enamoured. I am wholly made whole once again. I am fully in love. The thundering rivers of my affection wash and cleanse my soul from within, finally culminating in an external outpouring of blissful infatuation. Innocent birds and carefree bees resume their pleasant humdrum activities in the ethereal garden of my mind.

My love is a dominant woman; Not afraid to air her own views and take the reins whenever possible. She's also assertive, very unlike the frail princess stereotype too many girls my age are adopting. Speaking of age, she's a little older, if it doesn't bother you.

She is ambitious, intelligent and carefully plans to secure her (hopefully our) future. An avid chemist as well, she shares my hobbies one and all. Her boundless wit and impeccable comic timing (although sometimes unintentional) are part and parcel of her sumptious package.

Some competition is in store when i woo her as she has been spotted hanging around this musclebound brute. Some people also tell me that she's cruel to animals, especially squirrels and llamas, while others have described her as 'scary beyond reason'. Hidden near her sexy stick-thin legs lie sharp murderous devices which are all the more alluring...

She is none other than the one, the only...

Yzma!

"Living proof that dinosaurs once roamed the earth"

Kuzco: I can't believe this is happening.
Yzma: Then I bet you weren't expecting this!
[Yzma shows Kuzco and Pacha her ugly knee and both of them scream.]
Yzma: Ah-ha!
[Yzma shows a sword on her leg.]
Kuzco: Oh, okay.

Does that not prove her ultimate sexiness?? If not, then there's her


Drop-dead smile


Sigh. The Emperor's New Groove absolutely ROCKS! Its the bestest bestest Disney show ever! With the exception of Lilo and Stitch... Sigh, blame me for being a sappy child at heart.

---

Anyways, a rather uneventful weekend once again. The highlight was the finished chem tutorial (read: LOSER) and the reignition of my passion for Warcraft 3 (ATing and DOTAing).

Happy Mother's Day to all btw! Especially since we're all mothers to ideas, to styles and to stigmas (not to mention mofos). Its how ironic that Mother's Day comes only a week after Labour Day. How much commemoration do they get for giving birth??

Speaking of which, my new love is old enough to be my great great great... great great great... great great grandmother.

JC-life and BGRs so screw up ones orientation.



Grooving empirically to... Nothin' Else - Justin Timberlake

One Trick Phony

I hate one trick phonies.

These detestable delinquents make up the majority of our older generation, but the occasional exception can be noticed (very conspicuously) among us.

The phony has but only one of everything; One particular like, one particular rant, one particular experience, one particular lament, one particular strength. These are the people that constantly fail to renew themselves and commit the same sins of repetition over and over again.

They have 1 hobby, 1 field of interest, 1 specialty. They can only do 1 task distinguishably. They monotone about utter simplicity, they take things at face value. They care only about this particular topic and subject, and did i mention that they repeat it as often as i do CDs?

Picture the person who talks about 1 thing to one person, then re-hashes a carbon copy of that conversation to another unsuspecting (and potentially bored) friend. Imagine the jock that gets into RJ only because of his sporting prowess. Visualise the yuppie who cares only about ascending the corporate ladder. What about the grandmother that obsesses over what the family eats for dinner every night?

They are to me, the epitomy of failure in a human being. They are the decrepit scum of the earth. They are pitiful yet undeserving of our pity. They are everyone around us.

They are me.

We all need change in our life. We need to be well-rounded and cannot rely on academics or sports alone. I need guidance, i think we all do.



Monotoning to... Changes - Tupac

Staving Off Staples

While proficiently and pwningly whizzing through yet another chemistry tutorial, i stopped briefly for a short distraction session. Normally during this short work interlude, i would simply sit on chairmaine and kick off from wall to wall in my room (yes, i'm bo liao. thank you for noticing).

This time, however, i went and started rearranging my pencil box and refilling/refueling random stuffs. From my uniball BROADS to my Vision Elites to my... lowly and humble stapler.

As there were various scattered bits of remnant staple bullets out of my tattered box, i started meticulously inserting them into the stapler in order to make full use of them. Once completed, i gave the stapler a 'testing' over the dustbin.

Nothing came out.

I opened up the device to find the staple folded yet stuck within the teeth (read: vicious blood-thirsty mandibles). I reached in feeble attempt to pry it out, in doing so accidentally...

STAPLING MY DAMNED THUMB.

A sharp feeling pricked deep into my appendage (no shit...) One side of the entire bullet was embedded completely into my finger. I immediately plucked it out to gushing torrents of lipid blood.

Will i ever be able to write and type properly? Would i ever get over my new stapler-phobia? Will i get tetanus once again? These questions and more (eg State Hess' Law) prance around glibly in my head.

To my detractors (and i know there are none ;) ) out there, don't see me as this boy who glorifies and mundanely celebrates his own agony and suffering just to attract attention. Remember that he is a MAN. Just one that complains about stapling his thumb like its the end of the world.

Blogging is a platform to mumble and grumble about my migraines, my insane pains and my thought trains. Furthermore, Dwayne entertains!

Link me! (or just staple me...)



Bat-thumbing the night away to... Beverly Hills - Weezer

Of BGRs and Blue, Green, Reds

Boy meets Girl,
Girl makes World
Whole and Complete.
His energy She
Soon depletes.

RJC and its denizens have a rough 10% relationship engagement rate, putting my class waaaay below par. No wonder Singapore has such a deathly ageing (and increasingly stupidifying) population. All the intellectuals are smart enough to realise the detriments and shortfalls that come with a BGR while the cavemen and hooligans are virulently spreading their seed like master kulaks.

Could this be why is it that virtually NO ONE i know well enough has a steady gf or bf? This is SO disturbing. We're all around the age group of 17 and yet we're like some gay party. Am i to feel ashamed at this lacking? Am i to be disgraced that i have not yet tasted the forbidden fruit of a relationship? Am i to be longing for one with covetous eyes?

Why is it that we are all so conservative and shy? I have had my share of crushes and crushees, but have never been able to go beyond a certain level of acquaintanceship due this Singaporeans-only disease of acute embarrasia.

If we're to reap what we sow, i suggest to all Singaporeans at the age of 18, SOW SOW SOW NOW! Although that would result in us reaping grossly huge quantities of sperm...

---

The world should be kept in a box. A box that remains an isolated system with no external force acting on it. We're troubled enough already, and this enables a linear conservation of the moment.

---

Anyway, i went for my house committee interview today and BY JOVE, i'm so not gonna make it. I screwed the crap out of it not by completing the interview within 9 out of a possible 15 minutes, nor was it that i was nervously squeaking and squealing at an accelerated (read: incomprehensible) pace. No, it was because i was not from RI or RGS (not that i'd want to be in the former, of course).

Biased bimbotic (yet buxom) biatches. I don't think i will even get past this interview round now. Its not that i'm not particularly popular or anything, just that i will lack my ahem, fanbase to garner me enough votes to remain in the throes of suffering in the Moor-Tarbert exco.

The weather today also showed compassion by echoing and foreshadowing the interview: Dark, stormy and potentially unconfortable. Not to mention wet, but that's another RA story for another day...

Hey! I DID give some pertinent ideas and viewpoints though, and hope that they would not discriminate based on background (and looks. And charm. And wit and intelligence. Which if so, would have resulted in my deep tossing into the nth level of hell liaos*)...

---

Other than that, vball training today was hiong! I think this will be the first time my arms would actually ache (rmb: Power-Leg) from the training!

Currently, i have a new Blender mag (May, with Eminem and 50 Cent) and a chinese test tomorrow. No prizes for guessing which one takes priority ;)

*at least for making this very immodest assumption



Pimping pimple cream to... Hands - Jewel

Nubi's New Moves Be Movin'!

Not to be outdone by Daryl, i hereby proclaim and swear that Nubi is the best dog (no, friend) anybody can have!

Besides being incredulously and incredibly cute, he's also lagi adorable! Did i mention that he's cute? Also, emphasis on his ubicuteness (ubiquitous + cuteness) and dire delectability! *swoooons*

On top of being unbearably precious and artful, he's (Nubi lah, not me. although i'd understand why you would make the mistake ;p) got to be the most mentally adept and intelligent non-human creature out there!

Today alone, i taught him 2 new moves (no Technical Machines required)!

There's the 'Double Shake', which involves him putting his other paw onto your hand when you ask him to shake normally. The end result is him in a sitting position with both front appendages on your arm! WAAAH SO LUVABLE!

Then, there's 'Stand' (in no way dedicated to Jewel), whereby i hold a small morsel at arm's length away while standing straight. He will then make this elegant and smooth rising off his front paws and will balance in place for roughly a second. The treat is then dropped with utmost precision into his mouth as he slinks back into his basal position.

This brings his overall trick count to: 9! woowoo

Oh and not forgetting the most important trick of all, the remarkable way he lifts my spirits up however down in the dumps they be. HUGGLES NOW! Oh and Daryl, i say that he 'skittles' when he scampers around the place, especially when he slips over the polished floors. Do you?

All together now,
*SWOONS!*

Note to all skimmers: Please read the first paragraph! Mistaking the many 'him's for some poor sex slave i kidnapped off the street will NOT improve your impressions of me.

---

Earlier during bubble tea with Rilong and Bryan (peppermint milk tea! Like lapping liquid lust and downing desirous drink), i classified myself as an Underachieving Overachiever. This title can be bestowed upon many, many others (esp those in RJ) tho.

This fundamentally means that i am one who wants to handle all sorts of shit, and yet isnt (or cannot). From the outsider, i'm an overachiever when to myself, i'm underachieving.

The incalculable instances of this is me being in vball sch team, SRP, class comm, RA (restricted artistic, some writing thing) and running for house committee. Even with all this spelling out in clear intonations that i am PACKED like a mule, i am STILL attempting to lead a Discover science camp, go for CIPs, run (literally) for the class and sign up for many other science attachments.

Inadequacies NOW! Low self-esteem NOW! Building up my report through meaningless material inroads NOW! Sighs...

Once bitten twice shy, i guess. After missing joining other CCAs and running for student council, as well as prefects in secondary school, i cannot take any chances anymore when one of these accolades may just be the deciding factor of my life!

---

Also, not to be superficial or shallow or anything, but NKF and their donation cards are VERY REWARDING. They just called and told me that "through (my) very esteemed participation, (I) have won tickets to the gala premiere of 'Madagascar'".

I was like, wtf! I initially thought that they called to ask me where my Children's Medical Fund donation card was (swallowed up by a freak blackhole that lasted for a nanosecond), and were going to blow it up into some police matter... Whew + Woot.

Kk got to start bullcrapping on why the Institute of Molecular and Cell Biology should accept me under their very broad and outstretched wings for an attachment project. Wasted enough time getting an unpicturesque haircut already (think of a very unspiky, small durian. Wah Dwayne the durian. Sounds funksy O.o)



Practicing vball mentally to... Last Night - Justin Timberlake

Slipper Lobster Whore Fun!

My best friend is being a bitch. An Auwbitch, to be exact (not my bitch, fyi). He appears to be distraught over some matters on my blog which apparently antagonised him and portrayed him as some disloyal villian (you mean there are loyal villians?).

Getting a facial at the Chem SPA {http://jianbrutha.blogspot.com} (me, dw):
what derisive things?????
ab: damn act blur siah
dw: are u sure im not just mistaking it for being not derisive?
ab: maybe
ab: i'll leave you figure it out
dw: OOOOOOOI DERISIVE THING NOW
dw: issit the 'even if you have me replaced' part?
dw: EMPHASIS ON THE 'EVEN'
ab: no no emphasis
ab: confirm SUBTLE HINT
ab: emphasis on SUBTLE

(ab = Auwbitch, dw = Da Wang)

Wahaha i just HAD to put my gosu MSN display nick there... Such genius! I've got to be the punniest guy in the world, showing off all my verbal essences in the opun like that!

Now, post-confronting him, he STILL does not want to tell me what's up. Of course, this initial part of the entry is just some scare tactic to get him to fess up on his misdeeds (and my misnomers).

Sigh we may have drifted apart in physical distance, but are we emotionally distancing ourselves adrift as well?

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Anyway, my new shoes were absolutely, fantastically, fabulously SMALL. During vball training, i felt as if i were one of Cinderella's ugly fat sisters trying to squeeze into her exquisite (and SMALL) glass slippers.

There's only one order for training in infinitesmally minuscule shoes:
Blisters Medium Rare served over a callousy Corn loaf, with a side topping of Ingrown Toenail Extravaganza!

After being so gratuitously full on my awesome set meal, i had no choice but to play vball like utter shit (small faecal lumps dexterously juggling volleyballs ARE a sight to behold!). I was basically lobbing balls all over the damned field, with an exceptional few making it across the line.

Feel like some lowly and lousy derelict now. Correction, a lowly and lousy derelict with sore feet and blisters. Woohoo really taking the roleplay of the 'derelict' part seriously.

Also, congrats to Huan Ting for being vball capt! Woot got someone high-ranking to manipulate take orders from obediently liaos! To all others, SORRY FOR SCREWING UP THE GAME omfg. Shoes. Ok in some minor fault skill too... ARGH incompetance.

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Oh and worst thing in the world:
Long and curly individual public hair strands. Grossgusting now! That and baby lizards hiding under your bed. Double Ugghs

Anyways,
Away i need be,
Aerial attacks swarm about
Amphibious vessels assault me
Assay to survive in this bout,
Of the undefeatable critters in my room.



Joining some literary club to... Light Your Ass on Fire - Busta Rhymes

Novelty Novels

My current preoccupation, the book (which so happens to be released as a movie) of...

Coming to a disintegrated cinema near you!

It is a tongue-in-cheek social and philosophical satire revolving around the life of Arthur Dent, an earthling who has been rescued by his best friend after the Earth was unceremoniously demolished to make way for an interstellar highway. Its utter randomness >> anything possibly conceiveable, such as the Improbability Drive, a machine which generates infinite amounts of improbability to warp missiles into sperm whales...

Its more random than me! So jealous!

I started reading the novel novel last night and have albeit all the distractions and crab dinners, have managed to complete a fantasmic half, a very respectable amount indeed!

This is in comparison to my absolute disdain to reading any non-pictorial source of literature (read: books [not read books]). Only trashy gossip magazines and flashy science journals have articles short enough to capture my caffeine-addled (and hence extremely short attention spanned) mind.

The last spurt of novels i read was during the June holidays of yesteryear, where i had resolved to read at least 5 (i succeeded, of course). I will only read en masse whenever a series intrigues me beyond my (in)activation energy to focus on the books. The result is usually a rapid devouring and (reader's) digestion of one and all.

How some people have their noses perpetually buried six feet under the covers of thick tomes really bemuses me. How do they read when light can't even pass through such a dense layer of concentration!?

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The early bird gets the worm.
If 'young chicks' = 'early birds'
and 'worm' refers to book-burrowers
then subscribe to Life for one of me,
and subscribe to the life of one for me!

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Other than that, my Labor Day weekend has been rather placid and pleasant. Saw 4 movies (XXX2, Saw, The Terminal, Matrix Revolutions), slept around lots and stayed all over like some underpaid 'hoe and basically DID NOT DO ANYTHING SCHOOL-RELATED. Even now, i'm prepping to go to Queensway wif some friends who want to buy shoes (ooh so girly).

Its yet another vicious cycle: Do my homework uber fast so that i can malinger over the entire weekend, go back to school on par with everyone, stress self out over loads of homework to do, do my homework uber fast so that i can malinger over the entire weekend.

Always coming back to bite me in the ass. No wonder they're given the title 'vicious'.



Finally found this DAMN PWNING song i forgot about in... Faded - Soul Decision

Road-rageous

(sung to the tune of Britney Spears' Outrageous)


(Chorus)
Roadrageous
When I drive my lorry
Roadrageous
When I'm the right party
Roadrageous
When my car careens
Roadrageous
When I'm off the scene
Roadrageous
The way i drive
Roadrageous
The finger spree
Roadrageous
I'm onna rampage
Roadrageous
Let's beat it, girl
Roadrageous

Speedy as I wanna be
Got these cutters chasin me
It's bout time I hit their screens
All my victims feelin pain

My car aint lost the race
Flew over pylons and it landed in the space
Gotta keep drivin
No stoppin me
And if you dont make it, then
La la la la la la

We're at loggerheads
Spanner in the overhead
Pistols in my underwear
Lets go with this race cause I'm

(Chorus)

Beep, Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep, Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep

I'm about to beat the red
Swerving down the empty street
All revved up and dangerous
Red light red and cameras

Shortcuts around the road
Bag lady's crossin so nobody goes
So ****, woman's blocking all the roads
I'm just gonna tell her to
La la la la la la

We're at loggerheads
Expletives coursing through my head
Cursing all to who knows where
Lets go with this race cause I'm

(Chorus)

I just wanna be snappy
On a road with cursing spree
Can you beat me there?
Nobody, Ooh
And when you insult my name
Make sure you eat your words, yeah
Cause i'm the bestest driver in the world

(Chorus x2)

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Honking and horning to... Outrageous - Britney Spears