The Enzyme Theory of the Classroom

In Biology, enzymes are typically described as biological catalysts that speed up or alter the rate of reaction without themselves being chemically changed at the end of it.

In Darwinian Dwaynean Classroom Biology, a promising new sector in (no)Life Sciences, enzymes are defined as 'illogical classmates that speed up or alter the rate of interaction without themselves being charismatically challenged at the end of it'.

Ok, that made no sense whatsoever... Essentially, classroom dynamics can be represented by the enzymatic action on substrates:

Firstly, all peoples within the classroom are either enzymes or substrates. Enzymes are the more talkative and active of the people who hold dominion over their sites. In comparison, substrates are the students within the cliques who are generally quieter and more withdrawn

This would explain the clique structure in the classrooms. The students will literally bond together based on the enzyme-substrate specificity and react smoothly. Neither of which would participate in other clusters' cataclysmic catalytic activities.


This entry acts to catalyse your disinterest!
Secondly, since enzymes lower the activation energy of a reaction, the reason why people are more energetic in their cliques is established! Its easier to start talk and do bullshit when you're with your gang, is it not?

Next, the free-ranging socialites can be represented by the Induced-fit model of enzymes. They can temporarily alter their structure to accommodate that of a new group of friends, and can activate reactions in a wide range of people. These free-radicals go about isomerising, lysing and hydrolysing their friends (read: changing, opening them up and watering them down).

And of course, who can forget the class misfits/outcasts/fugees? The ones that everybody either detests, loathes or plain hates. The grossgusting students comparable to the Black Death (or the genetic disease)?

Well, these people assume the roles of protolytic enzymes or proteases. These enzymes themselves digest protein, the crucial component of fellow enzymic classmates. This would explain why one feels destroyed and frustrated when the repugnant ignoramuses forcefully bind to you and catalyse your emotions in their active sites.


'HIV' stands for 'Haolian, Indecent, Violent'.
Even the methods undertaken to avoid these mongoloids are explained in enzymic action! There are molecular disguises (eg running and hiding), the binding of allosteric inhibitors to the proteases (sacrificing a good soul to preoccupy the irritants while everyone else runs and hides), etc.


Not to be mistaken for Lego blocks...
Of course, not everyone is affected by these trollgres outcasts. These tolerant students are hence substrates other than protein, such as carbohydrates (or fatties), who cannot be broken down by the proteases.

And how convenient it is that these all occur within the student body...



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